Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Happy Birthday to Me!

I got some cool stuff from my family for my birthday. My mom got me the book "The Lovely Bones" which I've been wanting to read and her boyfriend got me these really cool ice cube trays that look like the Titanic and Glaciers to go in your glass. Kinda morbid but totally awesome. I got some other small things, but what I was looking forward to the most was the stuffed animal I knew I was going to get from my little brother.

Every year either on Christmas or my birthday, he always gets me a stuffed animal. And he doesn't pick out just anything, they have to be either super soft or really cool looking. It's something I look forward to every year to see what he picks out. This year I hadn't had a stuffed animal in my bed for a while so as soon as I opened his present for me I stuck the little bear right in the middle of my bed. My bro picked out a dark purple bear that's wearing a bow tie and his fur is made out of these sparkly threads so he's kind of glittery.

Also, as part of the tradition I name every bear/stuffed animal my brother gets me, and so this year I decided to name the bear Edward because he sparkles like Edward Cullen from Twilight. Pretty cheesy I know, but my brother loved it. He's a fan of Twilight so I figured he would.

As far as birthday plans for today, I'm going out with a couple friends, I'm guessing we're all going to a bar because my closest friend mentioned getting me totally wasted. I just laughed because I'm not a cheap drunk, I have a pretty good tolerance for alcohol so I doubt I'll be getting wasted but it'll be fun none the less.

Update: I got my hair did today as a birthday treat to myself. I also tried something a little different and had the lady put curls in.



I likey!

Monday, December 28, 2009

Two Thumbs Up

I've been reading "Pride and Prejudice and Zombies" and I have to say it is just awesome. I can't get over the whole idea of Elizabeth Bennet being a martial arts master battling zombies with Mr. Darcy. Makes me smile like crazy and chuckle to myself whenever I think of it.




Although, note to futures self: Don't read the book before you go to bed!

I read a few pages before falling asleep and I had some weird zombie filled dreams. I'm just glad it wasn't a nightmare, I can handle weird dreams where I'm kicking some major zombie ass much better than I can handle nightmares where I'm running from zombies.

So if anyone has been debating about reading the book, debate no longer. Just get it, because it's worth it. I promise.

Sunday, December 27, 2009

Christmas Loot

I got some cool stuff for Christmas this year. My mom sent me a care package with lots of yummy goodies and my presents that I opened. The way family does Christmas, after a certain age we kind of stop getting big presents because Christmas is about spending time with the family and presents are mostly for the kids. Now that my brother and I are older, the presents we get are mostly cute small things.

My favorite present I got was from my brother it's a t-shirt from threadless.com and I loved it the moment I saw it.




The next present I got was from my mom and it's a very close second. I love all things XKCD and this is no exception. It's 3ft long poster of the universe, btw.





Other than that I just got some money and small stuff, but those were the ones I absolutely had to share because they're awesome.

Friday, December 25, 2009

Merry Christmas

Hope you have a Merry Christmas filled with family fun and good food. And if you want a good laugh head on over to sketchysantas.com.

Thursday, December 24, 2009

A Very Alternative Christmas

One of my favorite parts about Christmas time is getting to dig out the Christmas music. I've made it my mission the past few years to collect as much Alternative Christmas music as I can get my hands on. It's been harder than I thought it would be because I was looking for more than just the traditional music being covered by Alternative bands, but for the most part I'm pretty satisfied with the play-list I managed to assemble. So, for your listening/viewing pleasure, I bring you my 'Very Alternative Christmas' play-list.

Santa Baby by Everclear


I'm Getting Nuttin' For Christmas by Relient K


Little Drummer Boy by The Almost


Merry Christmas Baby by Brighten ft. The Main


Christmas, Baby Please Come Home by Anberlin


Ho Ho Hopefully by The Maine


Mistletoe by Colbie Caillat


Santa Stole My Girlfriend by The Maine


Last Christmas by Jimmy Eat World


All I Want For Christmas Is You by My Chemical Romance


His Favorite Christmas Story by Capital Lights


I Believe In Us (This Holiday) by A Rocket to the Moon


Christmas Won't Be the Same Without You by Plain White T's


Santa Clause is Thumbing to Town by Relient K


Mr. Winter by The Main


Carol of the Bells by August Burns Red


Sleigh Ride by Relient K (A Christmas play-list isn't a true Christmas play-list without this one)

I Miss My Family :(

So it's 1:30 in the morning, I'm just chilling enjoying my mellow mood considering going to bed soon when I get a drunk text from none other than my mother. Apparently, my family is involved in a crazy game of mexican train (a game you play with dominoes for those of you who've never played, super fun bee tee dubya) and they missed me so I got a bunch of texts all at once from my mom first, then my aunt and uncle, my brother and my mom's boy friend.

I'm glad they're all having fun but I really do wish I was down there with them, I miss all of them and their craziness. I especially miss the fun stuff we do in way of family bonding. It doesn't feel like Christmas without it all. Sigh :(

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

WOOHOO!

Guess who got three 4.0's and and one 3.5 this semester? That's right, ME. I am awesome. I would have gotten a 4.0 in that last class if I hadn't slacked off towards the end there, and I'm kind of kicking myself for it now. But whatever, I'll take it, that's still a good grade.

The reason I'm so excited other than the obvious (I mean who doesn't get excited about doing good in a class?) is because of a goal I set myself when I transferred over to UM-Flint. When I walked for my graduation from my 2 year college I had white chords and I was less than half of a point away from silver chords. Well this time I'm going to have gold chords when I walk next year.

My family was already proud that I graduated with honors, and my mom always has to brag to her friends, so when I graduate from UM-Flint with high honors she'll be saying "MY daughter graduated from the University of Michigan in Flint with HIGH honors." It cracks me up. She definitely enjoys having two kids she's proud of, because one thing I have never doubted is how proud of me my mom is for sticking with college and doing as well as I am.

Plus, it kind of gives me the warm fuzzies when my mom gives me that big hug and tells me how proud she is to have such an amazing daughter. I'm not perfect by any means, but it's nice to feel that unconditional love she has for me, because even if I was terrible in school and barely passing any of my classes she would still say the same thing. I have such an awesome mom.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Canada, Eh?

I remember a while back mentioning that I've been working with one of my Com. professors trying to get into an internship program for this summer.

I just got the good news that I was accepted into the program and I'm totally psyched. The internship is in Canada where I'll be working in parliament with CPAC, which is like the Canadian version of C-SPAN. But that's not why I'm excited, what has me all wound up is that I'll actually get real hands on video production experience.

The internship is only a month long and I'll be living in a dorm while I'm there, which I can honestly say I'm not looking forward to that one, but the idea that I'll have in the field experience is so exciting.

Since it is Parliament and all they're doing small background checks on those accepted, and as long as I pass everything is set for this summer. I'm sure I'll pass, since I know I don't have any warrants out for my arrest and I didn't escape from some loony bin. The only thing left to do is apply for a passport since I don't have one already.

Which bee tee dubya, have I mentioned how dumb it is that you need a passport to get into Canada? I wish they kept it like it used to be where Michigan residents could just use their driver's license, but nooo, the government has to have their money.

Anyway, this is kind of just a congratulations to me post because I'm super excited about the good news. Is it summer yet? No? Darn.

Last Exam

I don't know who came up with the bright idea to have an exam at 7:45 in the AM but I feel that person should be shot. My brain is barely functioning enough to process basic motor functions, let alone able to answer multiple choice and essay questions. Luckily it's an online exam so I can take it in my PJ's, but still, no one should be forced to take a test this early.

At least this is my last exam of the semester. After 10:15AM I am DONE until Jan. 6th. and this break is so very much needed. I can feel myself starting to reach burn out capacity after working 5 days in a row while trying to study in my spare time, finish class and take my finals this week and it's definitely taking it's toll.

I don't know if it's from stress or being constantly active, or both, but I can tell I've even lost weight. I've had to start wearing a belt just to keep from having to constantly pull my jeans and work pants back up, it's annoying. I'll probably go clothes shopping for pants that fit after the holidays are over and I don't have to brave the craziness that's out there right now. I shudder to think what the mall looks like.

Alright, well I'm off to get some last minute studying in before my final opens up online. Wish me luck!

Monday, December 21, 2009

Eugoogoly

"Stand By Me" by Ben E. King

Today, I have an important post. I've written a eulogy in honor of a long time friend who was laid to rest last night and I felt the need to share it on my blog. Here goes:

For 4 years you stood by me through thick and thin. You were the best friend a girl could ask for, always around when I needed an escape from boredom or help with homework. You taught me the meaning of patience, although I admittedly didn't always listen. You showed me the true meaning of love and friendship.

We were two peas in a pod, you and I. Where one was, the other could always be found close by. We discovered endless amounts of music together. We laughed together, we cried together, we were perfect for each other. Even when we fought and had our differences, we forgave each other, never able to hold a grudge for long.

You were there for me when I learned what heartache truly was, and I was there for you when you were so sick with that terrible virus, sitting at your bedside or just holding you in my lap. And now my dear friend, I have to say goodbye forever.

As I write this, your hard drive is currently being reformatted and what once contained the mind and heart that defined you as Stella 1.0, now only holds the basic inner working parts of the best laptop there ever was. Your casing shall forever be a shell of what you once were, a distant reminder of the great times we had together. And while Stella 2.0 is amazing, she will never hold that special place in my heart that solely belongs to you. Don't forget me, dearest friend, as you join that great computer shop in the sky, for I shall never forget you.

In Honor Of Stella
July 14, 2005 - December 20, 2009
R.I.P



Sunday, December 20, 2009

Finals, Finals and More- No wait, Just two Finals.

Tomorrow I have a final at 9 in the AM and I'm getting up at the ungodly hour of 6 so that I can study with a friend before we have to take the exam. I feel really bad for the guy, he had all of his books and notebooks stolen last week and hasn't been able to get any of them back so I've been trying to help him out as much as I can by letting him borrow my notes and stuff.

One thing's for sure though, I'm gonna need some coffee injected in me through an IV so I can stay awake. I'm so not a morning person but school and work has kind of forced me to find a way to cope with getting up so early. I've even caught myself getting used to waking up early and being in a good mood about it, I was singing in the shower! It's ridonkulous, and gotten completely out of hand.

I can't wait for winter break where getting up early means waking up at 11.

Hilaaaaarious

Working in as big of a store as I do means I get to interact with a lot of different people on a daily basis. One of the girls I work with, let's call her "Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds" or aka Lucy, is very sharp witted and hilariously funny and I really enjoy working with her because it makes the day go by so much faster.

During one of the 30 second periods where we were kind of slow at work today, I stopped and chatted with Lucy since I hadn't really even had a chance to say "Hi" to her yet. While we were talking she picked up a copy of A Charlie Brown Christmas and exclaimed "I love this movie! I have to watch it every year."

To which I replied, "I've never seen it, I always watch the Grinch, that's my favorite."

Lucy gasped, "You've never seen A Charlie Brown Christmas?! What are you, Jewish?!"

Of course, when she said that I nearly spit my gum, I was laughing so hard. And so, that was the highlight of my night at work, it still makes me laugh just thinking about it.

Saturday, December 19, 2009

DCSnowpocalypse?

Apparently, the eastern states are getting a major snow storm right now and I'm totally jealous. Granted, I would still have to drive to work in the bad weather, but I mean hello! Sledding anyone?!

I can't wait til we get enough snow to go sledding. I wish I could say I can't wait til we get enough snow to go skiing, buuuut, I don't see that happening any time soon since none of my friends ski and it's kind of boring to ski alone. (I need a skiing buddy, any takers?) Plus, sledding doesn't cost a penny if you go to the local hills around here and plenty of people are willing to join in the fun. Also, sledding is great excuse to drink lots of hot cocoa, with whipped cream on top, of course.

[Edit: Michigan lost like I figured they would, their athletic program is just so sad these past couple of years.]

Friday, December 18, 2009

A Pinch of Austen With a Little Zombie On Top

After I finished reading "Water for Elephants" a couple of weeks ago I was in a bit of a reading funk because I had no idea what to pick up next. When my mom came up for Thanksgiving she brought Dan Brown's new book "The Lost Symbol" for me to read. Since then it has just been sitting on my bookshelf collecting dust, I finally decided to pull it down and crack it open. I'm about 50 pages in and I can already tell it's not going to be as good as the "DaVinci Code" was. Add to that my gradual loss of desire to read the book and I doubt I'll be finishing it.

So, in my hunt to find a new book to read, I stopped by Barnes and Noble and browsed the shelves trying to figure out what I should pick up next. As I passed one of the tables I saw a book titled "Pride and Prejudice and Zombies" now if that title doesn't catch your attention I don't know what will. I picked it up and read the back of the book and cracked up because I loved the whole idea of zombies in a "Pride and Prejudice" setting. Of course, being the conscious price shopper that I am I didn't buy the book right there because Barnes and Noble is outrageously over priced, but then when I found it at the next store I went to grocery shopping for 4 dollars cheaper I grabbed it up.

I think it's going to be a very interesting read. Not to mention, it'll give me a jump on the movie that was just announced to be in the works, starring Natalie Portman no less, as well as a graphic novel adaptation of the book coming in 2010. It seems this whole zombie phenomenon isn't going to be losing steam any time soon so I might as well jump on the bandwagon for a little while and see what the fuss is all about.

I Wish I Could Just Forget

"Misguided Ghosts" By Paramore

It's on nights like this I wish I could just forget about my past and all of the stupid things I've done or mistakes I've made. When I lie awake in bed wishing so much I could go back and undo everything. To go back to that day and ignore that very first chat invite. If I could finally forget it all, I wouldn't have the daily reminders of what once was.

It angers me so much that the tiniest part of myself absolutely refuses to let go. And I hate it. I know I made the right decision to protect myself from hurting constantly, because it worked. I no longer have that knot of anxiety in my stomach, or the horrible ache in my chest. I've moved on. I'm finally happier than I've been before I got involved and the pain faded away like I knew with time it would. But every once in a while, that little seed in the back of my mind rears it's ugly head and makes me remember what I've tried so desperately to forget.

That in spite of it all, I still miss my best friend.

Someday, that will fade too. When it does, I'll finally be able to forget. Until then, I wish that day were today.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Glee How I Love Thee, Let Me Count The Ways

"Dancing With Myself" By Glee Soundtrack Vol. 1

Reasons why I love Glee:

1) The show is awesome and well written.
Dos) Who doesn't love when people periodically burst into song?
III) GLEE COMES OUT ON DVD ON MY BIRTHDAY!
D) Glee. DVD. My birthday.
5) Need I say more?


Oh Glee, you DID notice how I fawned over you every Wednesday faithfully glued to my TV. I don't watch just any TV show entirely through the seasons, Dollhouse can attest to that.

I've dropped subtle hints to my mom about Glee for my birthday, but I don't think she got it, so I dropped a not so subtle hint by calling her up and ecstatically informed her that Glee comes out ON MY BIRTHDAY. We'll see if that got through to her.

Now turning 22 isn't looking so grim if I have Glee to comfort me on that darkest of all birthdays. Off to work now, have a great day!

You Know You're Tired When....

With the final and a couple of study sessions I had yesterday and due to the lack of sleep the night before I was pretty tired when I got home at about 5. I just didn't realize how exhausted I was until I flopped down in bed planning to watch a movie and unwind where I promptly zonked out and didn't wake up until 12 hours later. I don't think I even moved, and wonder of all wonders I didn't dream! I always dream. It's a relief when I can catch a break from the effed up shit my subconscious mind comes up with while I'm sleeping.

Unfortunately, with my extended sleeping session I'm behind on a paper I was supposed to get started last night, so I have a little bit of catching up to do before I head into work. All in all it was nice to get some much needed rest.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Isn't It Ironic? Dontcha Think?

"Isn't It Ironic?" By Alanis Morissette

So as I was finishing up studying with my friends at the library, we got to talking about sports and the guy I mentioned earlier that I have all those classes with, brought up basketball. I'll be honest, I'm not a huge fan of watching the sport although I don't mind it, but I really don't follow my schools team or anything like I do with football.

Well, he said that the school was chartering a bus to drive down for the game this Saturday and asked if I was going. I said no I wasn't and asked where the game was going to be at.

"Kansas," he said.
I paused for a moment and then asked "Kansas as in KU or K-State?"
"KU."

At which point I started cracking up. And I don't mean a small chuckle but a full gut laugh. My friend looked at me like I lost my mind and asked what was so funny? I debated trying to explain the whole situation with him, but decided it wasn't worth the effort and just told him it was just an old joke I had with someone I used to know.

What I didn't tell him was KU's where my ex went to school. But that's not the funny part, the funny part was that when I realized Michigan is going to be playing Kansas, immediately something popped into my head that I had said to my ex when we were still together and it went something like "if our schools were to ever play each other I don't think our relationship would survive it."

Although, at the time I think I was talking about football, I can't remember. But just the irony that our schools are playing each other and we aren't together anymore had me cracking up. It's interesting how stuff just works out like that, and I'm glad I can see the humor in it, because it gave me a good laugh.

One Final Down

Well, that's one final down, three more to go. I have to say though I'm really loving having more time to blog again. Right now, since I got out of my final earlier than I thought I would, I'm hanging out at the library waiting for a couple of classmates to show up so we can go over a review for one of my Com. classes we have together. The final isn't until Monday, but because I work the rest of the week this was the only time we could all get together.

Interestingly, the guy that is going to be stopping by has three classes with me. When we noticed we had so many classes together we got to talking and he's a super nice guy, and we've been studying and helping each other write papers. He cracks me up too because ever since I helped him out on one of his papers when he lost his notes he gives me a hug every time he sees me now. Also, we got to comparing schedules next semester and found out that by complete coincidence we are taking another three classes together. It's funny how it worked out that way since neither one of us knew what classes the other was signing up for so it was not on purpose, but it's not too surprising since we're both Com. Majors focusing on media.

I know I'm kind of getting off topic, but I love the library at my school. It's designed really well. My school campus is built right on a river so it's a nice view and whoever designed the library must have taken that into consideration because the entire side of the building facing the river is all windows with huge balconies on the first and second floor facing the windows. The third floor balcony is my favorite spot to sit when I'm studying, which is currently where I am right now. It's nice.

Oh and here come my classmates, so I'm off. I'll be working the rest of the week but I'm sure I'll find the time to update so don't miss me too much dear blog.

Big Sigh of Frustration

One of the things about finals I hate so much is that I usually stress out about them quite a bit.

For example, I've been laying in bed trying to sleep for the past couple of hours and I cannot get my mind to shut off for the life of me. I feel the ball of anxiety in the center of my chest and I can't get it to go away.

I know I'll do fine on my Spanish exam tomorrow, in the worse case scenario I'll at least pass it. But even if I do manage to get myself to relax enough to sleep I know I'll either have nightmares or very vivid dreams, neither of which make for restful sleep.

Ugh, this sucks donkey balls.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!

Tune Wedgie: "Don't Rain on My Parade" By Glee Soundtrack Vol. 2

Aaaaaaaaaaaahhhh! Finals are effing here. Like what the hell, didn't the semester start yesterday? I know it's been about two weeks since I updated and believe me I have missed you dearly my colorful little blog, but between trying to study and my work constantly calling me to come in, I have been hanging on by my teeth.

But first, before I go into what I've been up to I want to say MY BIRTHDAY IS IN 2 WEEKS!....fuck. 22? Seriously? Do I have to? Can't I just stay 21 forever? It's the perfect age, literally, not a child anymore, but still not quite a full blown adult. I can do all the crazy irresponsible shit I want to (not that I'm irresponsible that often, I'm really quite responsible when I think about it. Hmmm, that's kind of boring. No wonder I'm not interesting. Oh well, anywaaaay) without people telling me to act my age, because I am acting my age! At the same time, I can do the responsible thing and act all grown up making work and school my main focus in life without people telling me to chillax.

Hokay, so, I have been a Spanish studying, paper writing, quiz doing, hard at work machine these past two weeks and I have to say I am so amazed at how well I have handled all of the pressure of it. As usual professors love to slam you with everything at once but this time I was ready for it. The only thing I wasn't prepared for was working as much as I have been. I understand it's the Holidays and I understand it's retail but good god I have been working a lot of hours lately. I would just like to point out, this is me NOT complaining because wooh buddy when I get my direct deposit this Friday I am going to be in luuuurve with my paycheck.

My finals start tomorrow. I have Spanish in the morning and then an online final I have to do before Sunday. Then I have a final on Monday and Tuesday. If you're doing the dates in your head on those last two let me help you out, that's a final on the 21st and the 22nd. 3 freaking days before Christmas, it blows. Somehow the calendar just worked out that we started late so we're ending late this year. I really don't like ending this late, I'd rather start early.

In other news that is unrelated to school and work, we've been getting snow quite a bit lately. And I love snow. Although I don't like to drive in it so much, especially if it's icey it kinda freaks me out now since I almost got into that really bad accident a couple months ago. Which, now that I think about it I don't remember writing a blog post about it.

So, quick summary, it was raining and I was taking an off ramp probably a little faster than I should have been and my car started to skid towards the cement barrier that would keep my car from falling to the ground below which was a good 20 feet down. And normally the barrier would hold but as I started to skid I looked in my rear view mirror and a huge Ford truck was right behind me and he would have plowed right into me, which I have no idea if those barriers can handle a double impact like that. Talk about scary, it's a good thing I know how to pull a car out of a skid and I handle high stress situations very well. After it was all over, which it all only lasted about 30 seconds, I was eerily calm until the ramifications of what nearly happened hit me and the adrenaline kicked in and my hands started to shake. Not fun.

Back to what I was saying, I love snow. This morning when I got up to go grocery shopping, or this afternoon I should say (no work today, I finally got to sleep in! Hallelujah!), I stepped outside into a wonderful winter scene of beautiful fluffy white snow falling softly on the ground. That kind of snow is my all time favorite and every time I see it, the whimsical romantic that I try so desperately to keep hidden sneaks out and I have to suppress the urge to find someone to dance around in the snow with, or make snow angles with, or to just stand there with while catching snow flakes on my tongue.

Ugh, being a romantic sucks sometimes, especially during the Holidays because while I know I made the right decision in staying single right now, there's still a small part of me that just wants someone to hold hands with on Christmas day. The cynic in me just rolled my eyes as I typed that but it's the truth, being alone during the Holidays sucks no matter how cynical your heart is. For me this year it's going to be especially worse because I won't be spending Christmas with my family. Everyone is going down to Florida and spending Christmas with my mom and my brother as they do every year, but because I have to work the day after Christmas, I can't go.

Sigh, oh well I'm over it, I'll just watch "How the Grinch stole Christmas" a million times and make sure to call my Mom and bug the crap out of her on Christmas day. Because, in spite of spending Christmas alone this year, I have been in such a great mood these past few weeks that nothing, not even the Holiday blues, can rain on my parade.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

It's ALIIIIVEEEE!

Tune Wedgie: "Ho Ho Hopefully" by The Maine (I've listening to Christmas music since before Thanksgiving.)

Yes, I am still alive and kicking. With the holidays here and finals getting closer things have been insane. I have so much to update about.

First things first, I survived my very first Black Friday experience working in retail. I've never gone out on black Friday even as a shopper, so it was definitely an eye opening experience to say the least. My nine hour shift went by rather fast which was surprising considering I only got 3 hours of sleep the night before and I had to be to work that morning by 4:45 in the A.M. I got really lucky though, I only had one difficult customer to deal with and that kind of floored me. I had been braced for the worst and when that didn't happen I was pleasantly surprised, so it was a good day.

Second, my mom drove up from Florida Thanksgiving week and that was nice to see her. I hadn't seen her since I last visited her and my brother in July. Not that I'm complaining, but her visiting also added to the craziness of class and work. I was trying to spend as much time as I could with her so that made for a lot of driving around especially on Thanksgiving. I spent Turkey day with my Grandfather and his side of the family, because they asked my mom to spend it with them, so naturally, I wanted to spend the holiday with my mom and followed her over to his house which is a 3 hour drive from mine. Then of course I had to leave right after dinner because of working the next morning, which is part of why I got so little sleep.

Something especially interesting that happened while I was at my Gramps' house, my mom outed me in front of a couple relatives. We were all sitting around and talking and one of my Uncles that I only see a couple times a year was visiting from out of state and he mentioned meeting up with a couple of high school friends at a bar in town:

My Uncle: I'm not going to be gone long, I just want to have a couple beers and catch up with them.
My Grandma: Well just be safe, if you feel you can't drive call someone to come pick you up.
My Uncle: Mom, I'm not gonna to get hammered.
My Grandma: I know, it's just that the state police are out and I don't want you to get pulled over.
My Mom: Hey T, if you do get pulled over just give them Mom and Dad's name, they know everyone in this tiny town.
My Uncle: Don't worry if it's a female officer I'll be fine, haha.
My Grandma: Hah! That won't work if you get pulled over by Sara and Tom's daughter, apparently she prefers the girls.
My Mom: Oooh, a lesbian State Police Officer! What's her number?! Maybe we can get a date for Manda.

After that there was dead silence for a good 4 or 5 seconds where my Uncle snapped his head up, looked at my mom, looked at me and goes "When did this happen?" Of course, I started to blush because one, my mom made the crack about getting me a date to jokingly embarrass me (it works every time she does it too dammit, and she knows it, I so owe her big time for that one). And two, I was so not prepared to be outed, to both my Uncle and my Grandfather who conveniently pretended he didn't hear a thing and distracted him self with the Nintendo Wii. So as usual I had to field the normal questions of "How long have you known?" "For a while." "Are you dating anyone?" "No." "Why not?" "I'm just not interested in anyone right now, plus I'm really focused on school and dating again would be a major distraction at this point."

So yeah, that's what I've been up to these past couple of weeks. Also, I finished this book I was reading called "Water for Elephants" it was so incredibly good, and I would recommend it to anyone interested in somewhat historical fiction. The story is about a guy that becomes a veterinarian at a circus back in the 1930's, and there's a small endearing love story thrown in, but the book is by no means a romance novel so don't worry, plus it is very well written.

Have a good week, and happy hump day.

Monday, November 16, 2009

Minty Nuts...Say What?

The past week I've been on the case of the Minty Nuts. I usually pack a lunch whenever I have class all day that way I don't have to waste gas driving back home for food. Well, lately I've been keeping a small ziplock bag of mixed nuts in my backpack for munching between class. For the past week or so I couldn't figure out why the nuts taste minty (god that sounds so dirty). I thought at first that it was just me, because I grabbed the tin they came in and tried a few out of there and they tasted fine.

So, just to be safe, I threw that bag out thinking maybe they were going bad or something and filled a new bag and put them in my backpack. Once again, same problem. I was starting to get mad because I couldn't figure out what the hell was going on.

Then, finally, as I was walking to class I reached into my backpack to grab a piece of gum, it hit me. The gum I chew is this super minty kind by 5. I had forgotten I put the gum in my backpack and I guess the bag of nuts were absorbing the mintiness of the gum from sitting too close together in my bag. That's the only thing I could come up with and since I took the gum out of my backpack there hasn't been any more minty nuttiness going around.

Bravo, Watson! Consider the case of the Minty Nuts solved!

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Write Blog Post...Check.

Tune Wedgie: "All My Loving" by The Beatles

Sorry for the slight hiatus, things have been busy since I went to the PostSecret event. I volunteered to take photos for this club and that was long and boring for the most part, but it's always good to volunteer. Along with that I've had piles of homework and studying to do. It's a conspiracy, I think all the Professors get together and pick the same day to slam their students with work and then after that they decide to have their tests all at the same time to make us pull our hair out. It's ridonkulous.

I think I mentioned this before, but I've been going through a Buffy marathon with my Netflix. Today I just watched the episode "Once More, With Feeling" and I would just like to say, that episode is pure genius. I could watch that one over and over, which I have as a matter of fact.

Sigh, I really just need to break down and buy the entire series, I love it that much, I just don't have the money to throw away on that right now. I have to be the responsible student and save my pennies for school and this internship I'm trying to workout for this summer in Canada.

Man, I just re-read this post and I noticed it's REALLY boring. Ugh, I think all I talk about is school and work and work and school. Blah. I have no life!

Thursday, November 5, 2009

PostSecret Aftermath

Last night's PostSecret event was just amazing. Frank Warren is such a great speaker, he ended up sharing secrets that were banned from the books that have been published, and telling us a little about how PostSecret got started. Some of what he shared was funny, some of it was sad when he talked about coming from a broken home and dealing with bouts of depression in his own life, but most of it was hopeful. Frank talked about how out of all the secrets he gets so many of them deal with suicide and self harm. He shared a few ways to help friends dealing with depression and suicide along with telling us some of the work he has done with Hopeline.

My cousin and I both really enjoyed the event. I think the most memorable thing about last night was when people from the audience walked up to the microphones and shared their own personal secrets. That takes a lot of courage and some of them were so moving that I could feel my throat pull tight with emotion as my eyes began to tingle. One gentleman got up to the mic and talked about how the woman he loved most in the world, his ex-girlfriend, was at the event with someone else and he hoped that guy realized how wonderful of a person she is. Hearing the emotion in his voice was incredibly moving, even though it was such a sad thing to share. And I'll never forget how, as he turned to walk away from the mic back to his seat, one of the ushers patted him on the back when he walked by. To me, that single moment of connection and caring was remarkable. The entire night will be a good memory that I'm able to share with my cousin.

After the event was over, my cousin and I stood in line so I could have my book signed and since I knew she wouldn't buy a book for herself, I bought her one to have signed as well. She cracked me up because she didn't want me blowing money on a book for her saying "We're college students, we're poor, we can't afford $20 for a book." Then when I bought the book anyway she threatened to beat me up and lock me away, which was even more hilarious because she weighs like 95lbs soaking wet and couldn't throw a real punch if her life depended on it.

So all in all it was a good night, I got to share some quality time with my cousin and left with some great memories in my pocket.


This is a picture of my book that I got signed and my ticket. I loved that Frank signed all of the books in silver sharpie. I always take a silver sharpie with me whenever I go to concerts and get stuff signed so I thought that was kind of neat he used one. Plus he also stamped every book with that quote there, it says "Free your secrets and become who you are."

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Post Secret Today!!!

Tune Wedgie of the Day: "Dirty Little Secret" by The All-American Rejects

I am totally stoked. Today I'm going to see Frank Warren speak at one of his PostSecret events. I have been looking forward to this for like the past 3 or 4 months now. I'm also excited because he's speaking at my cousin's university, so I'll be able to spend some time with her as well since I talked her into going with me. And luckily I bought our tickets way, way, way in advance so I have front row seats to the event, which just adds to my excitement, since I'll be like 3 ft. away from Mr. Warren. Man, that makes me sound like such a fan-girl, but I have so much respect for this guy and what he's done, that I can't help but be so excited.

I can't express enough how excited I am about this, I'm practically geeking out as I write this. I'm sure either later tonight or tomorrow morning I'll update on how the event went, but for now I'll just leave you with two of my favorite PostSecrets that I have read from Frank Warren's PostSecret website.


This first one I like so much because I want to know the story behind it. Most of the secrets I read on the site are interesting but this was the first one I had come across where I wanted to know more. Plus, I found the "You idiot" part to be very funny because it almost seems to be thrown in as an after thought. I don't know, my sense of humor is weird like that.

This second one I read while I was really struggling over the summer, and it essentially sums up my philosophy on life. You can't expect everything to be handed to you, you have to go out their and find it or create it yourself. It drives me nuts when people complain about how much their life sucks or how things aren't the way they wanted it. I just want to ask them, "Then why aren't you changing it? No one is going to fix it for you, if your life's a mess then fix it yourself, do what needs to be done to make yourself happy!" Which is where my complete dislike for "Fate" or "Destiny" comes in, I know it seems kind of contradictory since the previous secret talks about destiny, but that's another story for another post.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

My Granny

Bet you thought I wasn't going to update today? To be honest I thought I wasn't going to be able to either, but I figured I would take a moment before I crawl into bed to write a short post.

Today was a pretty busy day. I usually have class til about 4 p.m. and then I decided, since I really didn't have any homework that I needed to get done for tomorrow, I would go see my great-grandmother. She lives about 20 minutes or so away from me, and while that doesn't seem like very much distance, it's enough to where I can't just make a quick trip every week to go see her, what with work and everything else keeping me busy.

So whenever I find a gap in my day where I don't have anything I need to get done immediately I'll drive over to her house to spend some time with her. Usually, when I go over I'll try to bring something to cook for her that she can't normally make herself. My Granny is about 95% blind, where if you were to hold a dime between your thumb and index finger at arm length away, then turn everything black and white, that's about as much as she can see anymore. So it really limits what she can cook for herself.

My Gran is such a sweetheart, every time I make her dinner she always thanks me so much even though I tell her she doesn't have to, that it was my pleasure. Most of the time we both end up cooking anyway, because she'll hover around me while I'm cooking looking for something to do so I'll have her do little things to make the cooking process go a little faster, and whenever we're done she never lets me help her wash the dishes no matter how much I argue. It makes me smile just thinking about her 87-year-old self getting sassy with her great-granddaughter over who gets to do the dishes.

Well, tonight while we were cooking we had the news on and I was listening to it periodically while I was keeping an eye on the food in the oven, when something caught my attention. It was an interview that ABC did with Annise Parker who is trying to become the first elected openly gay mayor in Texas. So I took a moment to watch the interview and got pissed off when the reporter tried to pressure Ms. Parker into talking about being a lesbian when she said she was only going to talk about her policies.

Of course, me being me, I started to argue with the TV going on a rant about "What does talking about her being a lesbian have to do with her political policies?" "that's disrespectful" blah blah blah, I don't know what all I said because I was just mad at that point. As I walked back into the kitchen in a huff, my Gran goes "You're right, but some people aren't as open minded and just want to stir up drama." That completely caught my attention. While I know my Gran is a very sweet lady and always has her own opinion on things that matter, I never realized how open minded she is.

I've never openly come out to her either, so I don't think she was just saying that to support me. Quite honestly, I don't think I need to come out to her, because one, she probably doesn't care (and besides who really wants to tell their great-grandmother "I like girls" which is inevitably translated to "I want to sleep with girls"? certainly not I) and two, I'm 21, I've never once brought home a "boyfriend", if she hasn't guessed by now, then who am I to burst her bubble? Especially when she has never asked if I even have a boyfriend. But my bet is on her already guessing, she's a sharp old lady and I wouldn't put it past her adding two and two together.

After dinner, I hung around for a couple of hours watching TV with her and just talking. The new show "V" premiered tonight and I had been wanting to catch that so I watched it and explained to her what was going on at the same time. It was a really nice relaxing way to end my day.

So that's my Granny for you, she's an awesome lady and I love her to bits and pieces.

Monday, November 2, 2009

Nightmares S.U.C.K.

You know you're seriously stressed out when you start having nightmares about failing a class. Seriously, that has got to be the dorkiest nightmare ever. Didn't they even have a Buffy episode where Willow dreamed about failing her Chem class or something like that? Yes? No? Complete figment of my imagination? Oh well, if they didn't have an episode like that then they totally should have because it would have been majorly hilarious.

Alyson Hannigan is my hero, bee tee dubya. Her acting in Buffy was awesome, she pulled nerdy off and made it very sexy.

Anyway, sorry for the side bar, every time I start talking about Buffy I could go on for hours. I love that show, it's just so awesome, Joss Whedon really is a genius for creating it, I mean come on, where would the lesbians in TV world be without Willow and Tara? Probably about 10 years back still trying to catch up with today's....you know what, I'm just going to stop right there. I can see I'm getting off track. Again. Damn you Buffy and your awesomeness!

Let's try this again, I can always tell when I'm stressing about school when I start having the nightmares that I'm going to fail my classes. And between school, work, and trying to find a way to rack up some volunteer hours while being recruited to take photos for my university's newspaper, I'm in slight panic mode. That's a lot to have on my plate at one time, but in order to beef up my profile for scholarships, it has to be done. Plus, my home situation is not helping things in the least. I love my grandmother (I live with my grandma) but she really can add to my stress level sometimes.

Luckily for me I know my cut off point, only two other times have I reached it, once when I was working 60+ hours a week, and then this summer. I know when I start having slight chest pains that my stress level is way too high and I need to back it off a notch.

So here's hoping that I'll be able to hold things together until summer break. It's a lot to juggle but I've done it before and I can do it again.

Tempus Fugit

Where has the time gone? It seems like yesterday I couldn't believe it was October already and now it's November. It's strange to have time flying by so quickly. Before I know it finals are going to be here and I'll be freaking out over those while wondering how the end of the semester is already here.

Sunday, November 1, 2009

Autumn

I love the changing of the seasons. The beginning of Fall is one of my favorite times of year because of all the new sights and smells. The leaves turning different colors is so pretty, especially with all the maple trees we have around here, they turn some very radiant shades of orange and red.

In the winter the light usually shines directly into my bedroom window and I first start to see that shift from summer to winter light as Fall begins. The other morning I was laying in bed, gradually waking up and debating about rolling over and sleeping a little while longer when I slowly cracked my eyes open and caught a glimpse of bright orange, before closing my eyes again. After a moment, it registered in my brain that my entire room was filled with a bright orange light and I opened my eyes wide this time to examine where the color was coming from since nothing in my room is that color. I realized it was the light shining through the leaves in the tree outside my bedroom window and into my room.

I took a moment to appreciate how pretty the color was before forcing myself out of bed to start my morning routine. While that memory only lasted a few minutes, it was the perfect example that Fall was here in full swing and winter will soon be on it's way. Since then, most of the leaves have fallen off the trees, but every morning, I still take a second to re-live the memory of waking up to that beautiful bright orange light filling my bedroom.

Saturday, October 31, 2009

Happy Halloween

Since I'm not working I really don't have anything going on today other than homework. I might be going to see some Swedish vampire flick playing at the art institute here with a friend from work. I think the movie is called "Let the Right One In" but I can't say for sure if that's what it is. It'll be a good vampire change from the "Twilight" saga. I used to be such a big fan of the books but good god, I can only take so much before I get tired of having something crammed down my visual throat by the media before my gag reflex kicks in.

Anyway, Halloween hasn't been a holiday that I've gotten excited about since I was in elementary school. People keep asking me if I'm going to dress up and I just keep telling them I'm going as Super College Girl, doing her best to battle frat boys and crazy creepy stalker dudes, but above all facing my arch nemesis....PROCRASTINATION...dun dun duuuuuun.

Haha, at least this way I don't have to buy a costume. If I wanted to jazz things up I guess I could add a cape or something but I don't really need it. Besides, according to the "Incredibles" capes have been the demise of many a super hero. So on second thought, "No capes!"

Happy Halloween!

Friday, October 30, 2009

Like a Lost Puppy

Whenever I'm online and run out of things to search or read or browse through on the internet, I always feel like a lost puppy. It's like I'm sitting there, randomly clicking links to blogs or websites I've already gone over and read, but I don't know what to do next. Like there's this part of me that absolutely refuses to believe there's nothing left to do but close the lid on my laptop and find something non-internet related to entertain myself with.

Usually, when this happens and I have no homework to do (sometimes I do it even when I have homework to do, thanks a lot procrastination) I'll catch up on the shows I miss while I'm at work or studying. It's just such a strange feeling when I'm all caught up on my shows, and up to date on all the topics that interest me.

I wonder if this is what addiction feels like. When you're without your drug of choice, do you have that constantly nagging feeling of "I need more!" I would imagine so, otherwise why else would people be addicts.

Oh boy, I guess I need to start going to meetings or something to help kick the addiction. Maybe I should sign up for Internet Addicts Anonymous. Then again, if I did, I probably wouldn't be allowed to blog anymore. So on second thought, no, I'll just stick with this lost puppy feeling.

Wait! I just got an update on my google reader, I have post to read on someone else's blog. Whew, all is right in my world once again.

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Organ Donor

I think every time I'm in my Communication Theory class something always happens that is worthy quotable material. Most of that is because my professor is freaking hilarious and the rest is because my classmates are quirky and funny as well.

Today, our lecture was on how biology affects communication between people. Somewhere during the lecture we got onto the top of organ donation and this discussion took place between my professor and a student in my class.

Professor: Studies have shown that people who have had organ transplants incorporate the DNA of that organ into their genetic make up.
Student: So you're saying if you gave me your organ I would become more like you?
Professor: In a sense yes. If I were to put my organ in you........(the class starts laughing).....That did not come out right, let me try again....If I were to give you my organ......(more laughter)......I can't even say organ anymore. Okay moving on.

Some of the things that come out of that professor's mouth are the funniest stuff I have ever heard. He should really give stand up a try, he would be a complete success.

After the whole organ giving thing the class kind of lost focus and we went on to quoting "The Princess Bride". Which by the way, BEST MOVIE EVER. Anyone who can quote lines from that movie becomes my instant BFF.

What an Idiot

Sometimes I wonder about myself. Like really, I'm a college student, I consider myself of reasonable intelligence. But on occasion I do something that makes me question if I'm smart or if I'm just really good at faking it.

I was reading over a paper I just turned in this weekend for one of my classes and in the paper I had to refer to myself in the third person. Well, about halfway through, I realized in one of the references to myself, that I spelled my name wrong. I mean COME ON. Who spells their name wrong? I've only had it my entire life.

Granted, it's a typo that I just didn't notice at the time I wrote the paper, but still, I must have read it over half a dozen times while I was editing it and I still missed it. This is one of those moments where I just go *Forehead/Palm* Doh.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Ugh.

I hate Blackboard. It's a stupid thing that my university uses and it's the devil. This entire semester all of the students have been having nothing but problems with it. The first week of classes was ridiculous because it crashed multiple times and professors had to keep extending deadlines for assignments.

Since then it periodically and randomly just goes down at the most inconvenient times. I have homework due tomorrow and now, because stupid effing Blackboard won't work, I can't do it. &$#@! This is me, VERY frustrated.

Scholarships are fun fun fun!

Scholarship applications are going to be starting soon for next fall and I need to get on that. I always feel completely inadequate whenever I fill them out, like there's something more that I should be doing.

For example, whenever I come to the volunteer section I always feel a bit of regret that I never have anything to put down. Between school and work I just don't have the time to go out and volunteer to help repair houses or work with kids or whatever else. I used to be able to volunteer for the newspaper at my old 2 year college and that counted because we weren't paid and I could do it on my own personal time. So far I haven't been able to find anything else flexible like that.

I also struggle with the essay section, I'm good at writing papers but when it comes to essays about myself I kinda suck. So here's to attempting to get free money. Keep your fingers crossed for me that I'll qualify for a few scholarships for next year and I won't have to take out a million loans to pay for school.

Monday, October 26, 2009

Brain Infatuation

Whenever someone asks me "What's your type?" I always hesitate to give them my answer. Because the truth is, I really don't haven a specific type of girl I'm interested in. It all depends on the personality of the person. And when I say that, I get this look that says, "Yeah. Right." Granted, I understand that physical attraction is crucial for a first impression, but first impressions are wrong 95% of the time anyway.

Now if I were to describe one trait that each girl I've had an attraction for possessed then I would say it is intelligence. Although sense of humor is a very close second, I have a thing for girls with brains. And I don't mean genius level intelligence, I'm talking about someone who actually takes an interest in academia of any kind. I like girls that can form their own opinions and argue their side of the issue. For awhile now I've kind of had an inside joke with myself because I call it brain infatuation.

Recently, I noticed that I was starting to form just such an infatuation for one of my Comm. professors. I'll be honest, on the first day of class my first thought was that she is extremely cute. Hey, I said I didn't have a specific type, not that I was blind. She's attractive in that I-don't-know-I'm-attractive kind of way. As she started the lecture, my second thought was that she really knew what she was talking about, she wasn't just reading out of the book to us. And every day since then she has just confirmed to me more and more how intelligent she is, not just that since she has a PhD of course she's smart, but smart in a well rounded way that she can actually apply her knowledge so that her students understand what she's teaching.

I've also been spending one-on-one time with her as well because she's trying to help me get involved in an internship program for this summer, and so I have been able to see what she's like outside of the classroom. Then, last week it finally hit me that I'm totally infatuated with this ladies mind. It made me wish she were a student so that I could appropriately ask if she wanted to hang out giving me the opportunity to pick her brain about other topics than just Communications.

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Traumatized

On the outside, my family appears to be a pretty normal, middle class, American family. But on the inside, as part of that family, we are so weird. Someone is always saying something inappropriately funny, or doing something completely retarded.

Usually, I'm the one doing the retarded stuff while my uncle cracks the jokes to make everyone laugh. Today my grandmother decided she was going to be the inappropriately funny.

Uncle: (Picking up a bag off the table) Hey, this is new where did you get it?
Grandma: Oh, that was free from Coke, I thought it was going to be red but it's pink.
Uncle: Yeah, but that's the color for your protect the boobies stuff you like.
Grandma: Well, mine are already protected, and besides you know what they say, more than a mouthful is a waste anyway.
Me: Oh god, no, you did not just say that.
Uncle: (My uncle falls out laughing) No, it's more than a handful. Not mouthful.
Me: Please stop, I can't take this.
Grandma: I thought it was mouthful, cause you can only fit so much in your mouth.
Me: (Walking out of the room) This is so wrong, I'm traumatized for life.


The holidays haven't even started yet and they're so much worse come Christmas time. It's going to be an interesting holiday season.

Saturday, October 24, 2009

Over the Hill

It's two months til my birthday and god am I starting to feel old. I'm going to be 22. That's it just 22. No wonderful spectacular 21 or the excitement of turning 18 or 16 even. Just 22. Sigh. Now, the only thing I have to look forward to is turning 30, and I so don't even want to think about that.

I don't think I mentioned it but for my new job I work in retail and so I stand my entire shift. Normally, I wouldn't have a problem with that but I have a knee injury from when I was a kid, that in my old age, has started getting worse. And so by the time I get home I'm usually limping slightly making me feel even older than I am.

I'm not even looking forward to this birthday. Last year when I was turning 21 I had a count down going by the 6 month mark, now I'm just like *grumble* "Yeah I guess it's two months til my birthday. *grumble* Not like it's anything to look forward to. *grumble* Should just cancel it. *grumble* Wait, can you cancel a birthday? No? Damn. "*grumble*

Friday, October 23, 2009

Ode to Netflix

Recently I have discovered the wonder that is called Netflix. To express my love for this miracle of miracles, I give you, Ode to Netflix.

Ode to Netflix

From out of my mailbox peaks an envelope red,
Foreshadowing of the good times ahead.
Words cannot express my extreme delight
Of witnessing such a wondrous site.
I open the object and what do I see?
Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Season 5, Disk 3.
The marathon begins, all chores set aside,
Homework forgotten, I strap in for the ride.
Oh Netflix how I ever lived with out thee before,
It is a wonder I made it through those days of yore.



Before you say anything, I know it's not a proper ode, and I know it's not in Iambic Pentameter. There's a reason I'm a Comm. Major and not an English or Lit Major, but I had fun writing it.

Whoa, Down Girl!

Have you ever had one of those times, where something catches you completely off guard and your body has a physical reaction that you didn't see coming and totally were not expecting?

Yeah, I had one of those times right in the middle of my Spanish class today.

Every week before a quiz my professor has the class play some kind of game to give everyone a chance to win extra credit points to go on their quizzes. Today, we were playing hang man in teams. The girl that I sit next to, and I, are pretty good students so we usually rock the competition. As my professor was going around the room giving each team a chance to guess the Spanish phrase on the board, I was engrossed in trying to figure out what the phrase was from the limited amount of letters we knew and not paying any attention to my teammate.

Suddenly, she leaned over and whispered the answer in my ear. And I don't mean, stage whispered in my ear from two feet away, I mean, lips-right-up-against-my-ear-chills-down-my-spine kind of whispered.

Talk. About. WHOA.

My body went "Well hellooooo" while my brain basically imploded, completely incapable of thought. I can't even remember the last time I was caught that completely off guard and I gotta be honest, I'm kind of glad it doesn't happen often because it took a while for me to get my bearings after that one.

Now that I think about it I find the whole incident rather amusing. I figure part of why I was knocked so off balance was the fact that I had her pegged as straighter than straight and I never had any physical attraction towards her so I wasn't expecting anything like that from her. Her actions were unintentional and my reaction was unexpected. Luckily for me I was able to keep my cool on the outside and she never suspected a thing.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Cigarettes and Chocolate Milk. And Music.

Through out my life I've had moments where I feel like I lose myself. It's not the kind of loss of self you experience when you get wrapped up in a work of art or some really great music, or an exciting project even. It's a very bad sort of loss, where I feel like I'm suffocating. Like there's a part of me missing and if I don't get it back my world is going to completely fall apart.

I had to deal with it a lot growing up. Then, it was caused by some very bad events that took place in my childhood. Now, with the wisdom that comes from years of dealing and picking up the pieces of wreckage I leave behind during those moments I see it's an almost uncontrollable safety mechanism. The loss is always triggered by something emotionally burdening and a part of me runs away with every fiber of my being, trying to hide from the pain.

While that is taking place, another part of myself steps forward and does whatever it takes to force myself through the hard times. It does it without concern of past or future consequences. Without concern for what is best or what is right. The only thing it has in mind is making sure I survive it.

This summer was another one of such moments. I had my heartbroken by someone I placed my trust in completely. My relationship with my mother was extremely strained after a very big argument we had. I had been told I wouldn't be able to attend college this year. For me, those were the most important things in my life. My family is my rock, school was my ticket to being able to help take care of my family in the future, and her, well I loved her with everything I had until I realized she never felt the same. Throw in issues with money and other smaller things that had been building up. My world had gone from stable to upside down in a matter of weeks and I couldn't handle it anymore.

It had been years since I was in such a bad place. I was floored. I saw that if I didn't find an escape soon, I wasn't going to make it. I needed an escape and it came in the form of alcohol. I didn't see a problem with it at first, all I knew was that the days and weeks were passing and I was still here, so something was working right.

After about a month, I was finally able to start pulling myself back together. I managed to dull the pain enough to be able to see what I really needed to do to get myself back on my feet. The end of the summer was fast approaching and if I was going to find a way to stay in school I needed to start immediately.

I stopped buying the alcohol and switched to smoking on occasion. I busted my ass, and found a way I could stay in school. I owe my uncle most of the credit for pushing me and not letting me give up on that.

The past month and half are a true testament to how far I have come from where I was during the summer. In an attempt to ensure that I don't slip back down to where I was, I've started this little ritual almost. I don't really smoke anymore, but the nights when I feel myself starting to get overly stressed and need that escape, I grab my iPod and go outside and have a smoke.

There's something moving about being outside at night alone. Across the street from my house is a park. I walk over and sit on the swings or the stairs to a slide and just listen to my music and look at the sky. By the time I'm done with my cigarette my mind is refreshingly clear of all the thoughts and worries that had been plaguing me earlier and I'm in state of complete relaxation.

Rarely ever do I feel a sense of pride in myself but this is one of those times. I didn't give up when I so desperately wanted to, I can make it through anything now.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Procrastination is the Key...to Disaster!

Midterms are tomorrow. Now ask me if I've studied for any of them yet. The answer is no. Stupid procrastination snuck up on me and jumped my from behind, I'm innocent I tell you! It's a frame job! To be honest though, one of my midterms I didn't even know was this week until yesterday, but oh well. I'm sure I'll do alright on both of them.

I was talking on the phone with my mom yesterday and told her I had midterms Thursday and so she sent me this picture over Facebook. Yes, I'm friends with my mom on Facebook. Shut up.



This is so true. Whenever I study longer than 15 minutes I'm always like "Hmmm, now would be a good time for a nap." Come to think of it, I'm supposed to be studying right now and somehow I ended up at my blog.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Me Gusta La Musica!

Tune Wedgie of the Day: "El Rey Tiburon" By Mana

I don't know if I've mentioned it previously, but one of the classes I'm taking this semester is Spanish. My major requires two semesters of a language and since Spanish is supposed to be one of the easiest languages to learn and this will be my second attempt at learning Spanish, I figured what the hell, might as well.

So far things are going okay, but it's only the first semester, come second semester I'll probably be dying to be over with it. Languages just aren't my thing, I have a really hard time grasping the grammar concepts. It was hard enough learning them in English in grade school now I have to learn it in a different language?! What the eff man? What. The. Eff.

One of the cool things that my professor does differently from my other classes is at the beginning of every class she plays a some-what popular Spanish song. It's the same song for about three weeks, and at first it was kind of annoying because the first song was something lame and kind of boring by Nelly Furtado. No offense to any of her fans, I just didn't like the song.

The latest song she is playing I like much much better. It's called "El Rey Tiburon" by Mana, the name translates to "The Shark King." It has a really good beat to it and the lyrics are kind of funny in a weird sort of way. Not very often does a song make me want to dance, but every time I hear this song it makes me want to get up and do the cha-cha. Not that I CAN do the cha-cha. Well, not that I can dance at all really.

Anyway, here is the music video I found on YouTube for your listening and viewing pleasure. Even if you don't think the song will be your typical music style, it's definitely worth a listen at least once.

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Slight Dilemma

A few posts back I mentioned I've been slowly dating this girl, and that we get along pretty well the biggest problem being trying to get our schedules to match up since we both go to college full time and work.

Well, we were talking and she told me she has a kid. At first I was kind of in shock but I didn't let it show on the outside so that I didn't upset her or anything. On the inside I was going, "Wait. What? She has a kid? She had sex with a dude to have a kid? That doesn't make sense, she said she's known she was gay since she was really young. Crap, what have I gotten myself into?" She is only a few years older than I am so I wasn't even expecting her to have a kid and it really threw me off base.

I suppressed my urge to leave and got her to tell me the story behind everything and found out she's married and that's when she had her son. She and her wife went to Canada and got married a few years ago and after their relationship fell apart they found out they can't get a divorce without movie to Canada for a year or something like that.

I'm sitting there trying to keep my jaw from hanging open and running for the nearest exit. I feel like an asshole for saying that, but that's exactly how I was feeling. I was thinking in my head "I'm only 21, I'm so not ready to be dating someone with a kid."

Which brings me to my dilemma. How do I let her down easily without hurting her feelings? She is a nice girl, but I think she's looking for something more serious than what I can give her right now, and I'm just not at all comfortable knowing she has a kid.

If I knew dating was going to be this stressful I would have avoided the whole situation altogether.

Saturday, October 17, 2009

Two in One Day?

Goodness gracious, two posts in one day. It's a record!

The moving went well, no crazy near catastrophes, just a lot of heavy lifting and organizing. My cousin is such a sweetheart, she kept thanking me and the rest of my family for driving down to help her move. I think she felt bad we drove 3 hours to her campus, but the drive was the easiest part, it was the climbing up and down stairs with boxes that killed. I don't think my calves will ever be the same, but it was all worth it. I haven't been able to see her for a few weeks so I enjoyed spending the time with her.

I'll also be going to see her again, in a couple of weeks. Frank Warren of PostSecret fame is going to be speaking at her campus and we managed to snag tickets to the event and I'm completely excited about it. I've been a fan of PostSecret for such a long time and to finally have the chance to see Mr. Warren speak is something I can't even put words to.

Until then, I'll be counting down the days til I get to go see my awesome cousin and Mr. Frank Warren all in one day. It's going to be kick ass!

Moving Day

Today I'm helping my cousin move dorms at her college, which is the only reason why I am up before 11 on a weekend that I don't have to work. I'm kind of wondering how things are going to go today, when the whole family is involved something always happens.

Last time we helped her move into her dorm, her grandfather almost got run over by his own truck while her grandmother sat in the passenger seat staring at everyone yelling "BRAKE! PUSH THE BRAKE!" at her. She doesn't drive so she didn't know what to push, and luckily my cousin's boyfriend was able to help pull her grandpa out of the way in time.

When you think about it, at the time it wasn't funny, everyone was scared and freaking out trying to stop the truck and get my cousins grandfather safe. But now, every time it's mentioned the whole family breaks down in tears from laughing so hard.

Families certainly keep things interesting.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Where has the time gone?!

Tune Wedie of the Day: "All I Wanted" by Paramore

It's already the middle of October! Whaaaaaaaaaa? How did that happen? Where has the time gone? I feel like I blinked and the past two weeks have flown by. I think being constantly busy has something to do with time going by so quickly. On one hand it's a good thing, I love being busy, but on the other hand, that means mid-terms are getting closer and I'm so not ready for them.

As usual, I've been slammed with school and work. I kind of wish I wasn't so busy so that I had more time to blog, it's my de-stresser and a time where I actually get to write for my own pleasure without a deadline.

On Tuesdays I have three classes and my last class of the day is one of the best classes I've taken in my college career. The class is basically about communication theory and it's really interesting, but what makes it so great is my professor. He is one of the funniest guys ever, he gets the entire class laughing every day which is part of what makes the class so fun.

Today, halfway through class, our building lost power. My professor stopped mid lecture and waits to see if an alarm is going to go off in case the power outage was caused by a fire or something. After standing in front of the class in silence for about 30 seconds he goes "Well I guess the buildings not on fire, so we can continue." Someone from the back of the classroom shouts, "Wait, we just lost power!" and another girl blurts out "And the internet went out too!" My professor stops for a moment and looks at them both, and in perfect comedic timing goes, "Well duuuuuh, what did you think would happen when the power goes out?" Gotta love college students and their incredible ability to state the obvious.

In other news, I picked up the new Paramore album last week. It was love at first listen. Paramore is by far one of my all time favorite bands, and their new album does not disappoint. A few favorites I've been listening to on repeat are "The Only Exception" "Misguided Ghosts" and "Brick by Boring Brick." The first two songs I mentioned are awesome because if you've been a fan of Paramore for a while, then you can hear how they're trying to grow as a band and expand their sound. The last one I like because it's classic Paramore. "Brick by Boring Brick" is true to their original sound, a perfect mixture of catchy guitar riffs, Haley's vocals and story telling lyrics, you can never go wrong with that.

Unfortunately, I'm off to bed my dear blog, I have class bright and early in the morning and thanks to some anxiety induced nightmares I am in desperate need of a good night's sleep. I'll be back this weekend, I promise.

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Holy Hot Girls on Skates Batman!

Tune Wedgie of the Day: "It Won't Be Long" By Evan Rachel Wood (Soundtrack for Across the Universe[I know, I know a cover of the Beatles can never best the original, but this is the one stuck in my head right now.])

I'm sorry my dear blog, I know I've been away for far too long, but I've been such a busy girl. Do you forgive me? Of course you do, because no one can resist the puppy dog eyes.

Tonight I took a bite out of my busy schedule of class and work, and homework, to go see "Whip-It" at the theater tonight. I have one word to say....AWESOMENESS! Ellen Page was of course hot and adorable as usual. And as young as she looks I'm eternally grateful to know via IMDB.com that she is in fact older than I am, giving me complete and total permission to drool and fantasize and dream.

In other news, I actually had I date tonight, which is why I was out late even though I have to work early tomorrow.

Wait.

Rewind.

Play.

Yes, I just said that, I had a date. Technically, I guess it would be a second date. It's kind of weird to say "I went on a date." I don't date. It's not that I don't want to, it's just that things haven't worked out for me like that. Usually, it's getting drunk at a party, meeting a girl, making out....heavily, throw in some groping, and I go home, forget about most of it the next morning and do it all again at the next party. Though, to be completely honest it's been way too long since I've even done that. 3 years of thinking you're in love with someone halfway across the country will do that to a girl. Thank the almighty sock puppet in the sky I finally came to my senses.

Dating is definitely an interesting experience. The girl I went out with is nice, we'll go out again the next time we can get our schedules to match up since we're both really busy with school and work. I'm just not used to having such thought clarity when I'm "dating" someone. Making out with drunk girls was just that, making out and having fun while not always having good judgment, but not really caring. I blame the alcohol, and the teenage rebellion, that's a powerful concoction.

Being in love also completely impairs your judgment as well. I didn't realize how blind I was until I finally let go. Seriously, love is worse than alcohol. I stuck a lid on that bottle and put it in the very, very back of my closet shelf with absolutely no intention of touching it for a long time.

Which brings me back to Date Girl. We get along well, we're a lot alike and probably have a lot in common, she even gets my sense of humor. But I think what I like the most, is that we're both going to move on after this. One day she's going to be a faint memory of someone I dated for a little bit while I was in college, and I think that means more to me than any head over heels, blindly in love relationship could ever be.

Unlike the typical lesbian stereo-type, I'm not a Uhauler. I don't confess undying love on the second date, I don't even confess like, just interest. I want to enjoy the moment. I don't want the burden of a future or a past. Just the now. And I'm going to carry it to wherever it leads me.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Sexual Orientation?

Tune Wedgie of the Day: "Always" By Blink 182

I have orientation tomorrow for my new job, but I think it's funnier just to say I have a sexual orientation meeting tomorrow. Because deep down, I'm a 13 year old boy at heart and saying anything with the letters S-E-X in them make me go, heh heh...sex...heh.

I don't know yet if they're going to have me start work this weekend after I finish orientation, which is kind of a bummer because if I did then I could plan my weekend around my hours since I'm up to my ear lids in homework this week. I managed to kill two classes worth of work but I feel like I barely made a dent since I have a pretty complicated project due on Wednesday. So keep your fingers crossed for me that I can find the time to get it all done.

Note to self: For future reference, don't coincide starting a semester at a new university with getting a new job, it waaaaaay complicates things. Like, majorly dude.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Filled With GLEE

For those of you that haven't tuned in yet, Glee is a new show that was picked up by FOX about a high school Glee Club and their struggle to make it a successful club. There's tons of singing and dancing, humor and satire which I love, but there's something I love more and it's the fact that the show is not afraid to tackle important issues.

SPOILER ALERT

If you haven't seen tonight's episode then what are you doing on my blog?! Go watch the episode, like, NOW. It's on Hulu. Go, shoo, and skip the rest of this post so that I don't give anything away.

Now, in tonight's episode alone they covered both teen pregnancy and coming out to a parent. While teen pregnancy has been addressed several times in a number of shows and movies, I still applaud Glee for tackling the issue, but it's how they handled the topic of coming out that I was really impressed with. Many shows, when addressing the issue of homosexuality, give it a negative connotation, especially the idea of coming out to a parent, there's usually a lot of screaming, crying, threatening to kick the kid out, etc., etc., you get my point. But this time there was none of that. They made it simple, they didn't draw out the angst of Kurt denying who he was and lying to his father, he was just honest with his dad and there was no fighting and crying, his dad may not like the idea of Kurt being gay, but that doesn't change the fact that he still loves his son no matter who he is.

That is why I fell so hard for this show. Glee wasn't afraid to tackle an extremely important issue in an honest and open way. What struck a chord in me is that Kurt coming out to his dad reminded me so much of when I came out to my mom. Coming out to a parent, or parents, isn't always a traumatizing experience, it can be scary, but it doesn't have to be hurtful.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

AWOL

Tune Wedgie of the Day: "Slow Dance With a Stranger" By Danger Radio

I know I know, I've been gone a few days, sorry about that. Things have been crazy busy here. My weekend was full, I went to a party on Saturday and then Sunday my Uncle dragged me out of bed hungover to go to a Detroit Lions game. Although they lost as expected I did have a good time. Then yesterday I was bombarded with a truck load of homework so other than a short nap I was working on homework almost all day Monday.

Right now I'm chilling in the food court waiting for my next class to start. I have a couple hours between my morning classes and my afternoon class. Normally, I go home and make myself lunch and just relax, but I figured I'd take advantage of the free time I have and get ahead on my homework that will be due this Sunday since I'm going to be starting my new job Friday. So I got myself a burger and some fries and got down to business on Spanish.

With my new job I'm going to have to start managing my time better since I'll have less time to do homework now. I got kind of lax since I've had the past month with no work and been able to just focus on school whenever I need to. Now I actually have time constraints.

Well, I'm off to my next class. Have a great day!

Saturday, September 19, 2009

Arrrr Matey!

Ahoy ye dogs! Hoist the flags, swab the decks you scaly wags, walk the plank! Today be talk like a Pirate day.

Okay enough of that, today the University of Michigan goes for their third win in a row and I'm very excited about that. After such a train wreck of a season last year I'm glad to see the guys finally get back on their feet a little bit. Hopefully they keep their guard up and beat Eastern Michigan today. Go Blue!

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Procrastination is the Key

Tune Wedgie of the Day: "21 Guns" By Green Day

I think part of the reason I started blogging again was because writing blog posts enables me to procrastinate when it comes to doing homework. Currently, I have to read 7 chapters worth of material in my text books, but instead I'm choosing to update my blog for the second time today.

Classes are going great, most of them are pretty interesting. Spanish is the only class I find myself getting bored with but that's only because the stuff is all review from the last Spanish class that I had. But so far I've been a pretty good student, I actually study when I need to rather than just saying "fuck it, I'm just going to take the test and if I fail it, oh well." I actually haven't even been procrastinating that much, but then again it's still only the second week of class. Though, I have noticed when I study my Spanish too much I start saying my English words as if they were Spanish words. So I think I'm going to cut back on my Spanish for a little while.

Well, I've managed to kill 10 minutes writing this blog post. I guess that's enough procrastination for now, I'm off to do some boring textbook reading.

Kanye You Jackass

I'm sure every one has heard by now about the Kanye West fiasco that happened at the 2009 MTV Video Music Awards. Well here's what President Obama had to say on that topic.



'Nough said Mr. President.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Relationships and Happiness

Earlier this evening I had a friend ask me why I've only ever had one relationship, well, the closest thing I've ever come to a relationship, and honestly I hadn't given it too much thought. So it got me thinking, why haven't I had more relationships? The only answer I could come up with is that I don't feel the need to be in a relationship constantly. I watch the people around me fight with their boyfriends/girlfriends/husbands/wives and constantly jump from one relationship to another without even taking a breath and the only thing I can think is, I don't want that for me.

I'm too much of an independent person to want to rely on someone else to make me feel better about myself. I allowed myself once to depend on someone to be the cause of happiness in me, but after that relationship quite honestly tanked, I realized, I don't need someone to make me happy. I can be my own happiness, and in essence that makes me a much better person. Besides, if and when I decide it's time for another relationship, said relationship will be that much stronger because it's not constantly trying to carry the burden of making two people happy. A relationship should only add to a person's happiness, not support it.

I also saw that using a relationship as a crutch for happiness is highly unstable, leaving both members of the relationship prone to drastic mood swings. And one thing I strongly dislike, is the constant roller coaster of emotion a relationship can have on a person. It's just not for me, I need stability above all else.

Sure, I may miss some of the things about being in a relationship from time to time, like having someone to talk to about your day, but is that absolutely necessary for my own happiness? Nope. What is necessary for me to be happy is being able to stand back and look at where I am at in my life and say, "Yeah, this is where I want to be, no worries and no regrets."

And for the first time in a very long time, I was finally able to do that. I'll never forget the feeling of relief that washed over me. I felt the weight of years of stress and worry fall off my shoulders. To finally let go of the regrets I had over the mistakes I have made was so incredibly liberating. It was also a lesson very well learned.