Friday, December 18, 2009

I Wish I Could Just Forget

"Misguided Ghosts" By Paramore

It's on nights like this I wish I could just forget about my past and all of the stupid things I've done or mistakes I've made. When I lie awake in bed wishing so much I could go back and undo everything. To go back to that day and ignore that very first chat invite. If I could finally forget it all, I wouldn't have the daily reminders of what once was.

It angers me so much that the tiniest part of myself absolutely refuses to let go. And I hate it. I know I made the right decision to protect myself from hurting constantly, because it worked. I no longer have that knot of anxiety in my stomach, or the horrible ache in my chest. I've moved on. I'm finally happier than I've been before I got involved and the pain faded away like I knew with time it would. But every once in a while, that little seed in the back of my mind rears it's ugly head and makes me remember what I've tried so desperately to forget.

That in spite of it all, I still miss my best friend.

Someday, that will fade too. When it does, I'll finally be able to forget. Until then, I wish that day were today.

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