Friday, February 25, 2011

Baking-Mini Pizzas

On Fridays my little cousin normally comes over and while I was at the grocery store I was pondering what to make for dinner for her and I. Considering it's a Friday night, naturally my first thought was pizza. But I pushed that aside thinking, we do that too often.

So I was left with a thought, how do you one up the food of all foods? The best of the best? I mean really, you can't get any better than pizza for a 7 year old. What should I do?

And then I had a moment of genius...

You miniaturize it!

Mini pizzas. Fuck. Yeah.

The only way to make something better that can't already be improved upon is to make it smaller! And if I see you shaking your head over there I would like to point you to the frozen food section where you can get everything miniature. Mini corn dogs, mini tacos, mini ice cream bites, and don't let yourself get hung up on the word "mini".

Anything with "personal" in front of it is just a way of saying "we took this giant ass lasagna and made it small enough for just you to eat without having to invite an army over to finish it." See what I mean? Mini.

So I was left wondering how to make mini pizzas. Luckily for me, my mom bestowed me with enough culinary skills to kind of guess. I did a process of elimination, the hardest part was figuring out what to use for the crust, it was a toss up between bagels and english muffins, and bagel bread seemed too thick so english muffins it was!

Next stop, the do-it-yourself pizza section. You know the one, where they hang all of those gross looking pre-made crusts that can only taste like chalk and rubber mixed together, next to the jars labeled "Pizza Sauce" that look suspiciously like the jars two isles over labeled "Spaghetti Sauce".

Then I grabbed a bag of mozzarella cheese and a bag of pepperoni (I found ones that were mini pepperoni! Hey, it was a mini kind of day) and I was out the door.

I get home and my aunt and uncle drop my cousin off and we get to work making our own pizzas.

1 bag of Mozzarella Cheese
1 box of Thomas English Muffins (don't go cheap here, get the good brand)
1 jar of pizza sauce
And pizza toppings of your choice, keep in mind though you can only fit so much on after the sauce and cheese.

Cooking Instructions
-Preheat oven to 350 F
-Cut the muffins in half and spread them evenly on a cookie sheet. I found that six halves fit comfortably on a standard sized sheet.
-Layer your ingredients on the muffins, sauce first, then cheese, then toppings.
-Put the tray in the oven for exactly 10 minutes. If you like your crust really crunchy leave it in for 2 more minutes max or the english muffin crust will start to burn.

And Voila! You have yummy mini pizzas and you're fist bumping with your little cousin for being the Betty Fucking Crocker of mini pizza making.

I think these just became my new favorite thing to make because clean up was a piece of pie, put the spoon you used for the sauce and the cookie tray in the sink and you are DONE.

Guess what I'm having all week?

Monday, February 21, 2011


Riddle me this...

If Arkansas is pronounced "Ar-kan-saw" then why isn't Kansas pronounced "Kan-saw"?

I want to know!

I was just reading an article about Arkansas and this question occurred to me and makes absolutely no sense why they're pronounced differently but spelled the same.




Funny Stuff

I was checking out the Bloggies for this year because it's always a great way to check out some pretty amazing blogs. I came across a blog called Effing Dykes and so naturally being a big gaymo myself I had to check it out.

Fuck if I didn't immediately start laughing my ass off. The lady that writes the blog is freaking HI-larious. Some of the posts are about sex, some about giving advice, others about asking questions, but all of them are about lesbians and her running commentary on everything is perfect.

Instant subscribe on my google reader.

And yes I'm posting this early in the morning because I have been up all night reading the blog. In case you were wondering.

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Hide and Seek by Imogen Heap

I forgot how much I love this song. Just listening to it, no distractions, just feeling the music.

where are we?
what the hell is going on?
the dust has only just begun to form
crop circles in the carpet
sinking feeling

spin me round again
and rub my eyes,
this can't be happening
when busy streets a mess with people
would stop to hold their heads heavy

hide and seek
trains and sewing machines
all those years
they were here first

oily marks appear on walls
where pleasure moments hung before the takeover,
the sweeping insensitivity of this still life

hide and seek
trains and sewing machines (oh, you won't catch me around here)
blood and tears (hearts)
they were here first

Mmmm whatcha say,
Mmm that you only meant well?
well of course you did
Mmmm whatcha say,
Mmmm that it's all for the best?
of course it is
Mmmm whatcha say?
Mmmm that it's just what we need
you decided this
whatcha say?
Mmmm what did she say?

ransom notes keep falling out your mouth
mid-sweet talk, newspaper word cut outs
speak no feeling no I don't believe you
you don't care a bit,
you don't care a bit

(hide and seek)
ransom notes keep falling out your mouth
mid-sweet talk, newspaper word cut outs

(hide and seek)
speak no feeling no i don't believe you
you don't care a bit,
you don't care a (you don't care a) bit

(hide and seek)
oh no, you don't care a bit
oh no, you don't care a bit

(hide and seek)
oh no, you don't care a bit
you don't care a bit
you don't care a bit

Wednesday, February 16, 2011


...I feel like my life is one of those drama riddled Lifetime movies. Or maybe a Jodi Picoult novel. Maybe both.

Anyway, it's been a while since I last posted. Partly because I've been sick, partly because I have a new addiction and it rhymes with mumbler. But mostly because my mind has been going in circles a lot.

Let me give you a little back story. When I was 18, I found out I had a younger sister that I had never met who had been given up for adoption by my mother at birth. For years it had just been my mom, Doug and I. The three musketeers. So imagine my surprise when my mom sat my brother and I down and explained she had given her middle child up for adoption because of certain extenuating circumstances.

Being young and completely broadsided by something as jarring as that I initially reacted with anger. In my mind she had given up the sister I had always wanted and I questioned what kind of person my mother was to give up a child. Both reactions were entirely selfish and immature but I didn't realize this at the time. Now that I am older and have had years to mull over the facts I understand why my mom gave up her middle child and kept Doug and I, and I also believe wholeheartedly it was the right decision.

After I had calmed down once I got the news, I was actually glad she had been given up for adoption. I understood that it was not only the right choice for my mother, but the right choice for the baby as well. Given the childhood that I had, filled with the serious abuse by mother's ex-husband all I could think was that I was glad she never had to go through what I went through.

In spite of the abuse, I never blamed my mother. It was a very well kept secret from her and the moment she found out she reacted with all of the ferocity of a mother bear protecting her cub and dumped his ass in prison, making sure he stayed there for a very long time.

Now, five years later, the child my mom gave up for adoption has contacted the family in an effort to get to know her, Doug and I. At first it was a bit of a surprise because I don't think any of us were expecting her to contact us. I could hear the hesitation in my mom's voice, she was worried about how my brother and I might react but I think we both put her worries to rest.

My brother's reaction was to respond with "Mom, calm down, how is this much different than anyone else just wanting to get to know us?" That is Doug for you, he never makes a big deal about anything and just rolls with whatever comes his way.

My reaction was a bit more in depth, mostly because my mother and I are so close, I could sense how worried she was so I made it my job to reassure her. I told her that I had my curiosities about getting to know her and that just because my mom gave her up for adoption didn't mean I was going to automatically shun her over some irrational fear that my mom would care more for her. I am so not that insecure. I comforted my mother as best I could and let her know that if K was interested in getting to know us I was fine with it.

And so we've messaged back and forth a few times. Things are in that, just getting to know you stage but as expected, no one is making a huge deal about it.

Sometimes I wonder though, how exactly did my life end up being grounds for a Lifetime movie? All I wanted was a regular, dull, "boring" lifestyle where the highlight of my day was reading a good book or watching my favorite TV show.

I jokingly blame my mom for that and she agrees. She says she must have asked in a past life for an exciting life this time around and I can't argue with her. Because one thing is for sure, her life, and consequently, mine and my brother's lives, have never been boring.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011


Fucking fuck mother fucker!

My mom is sick again.

I didn't really mention it on my blog before because it was something that really scared me and I didn't want to go all emo and shit on here. I remember saying something about her surgery but that was about it. The surgery went well and she was healing pretty quickly.

I called her yesterday after work and I knew something was up. I could hear it in her voice when I asked her what was wrong that she didn't want to tell me that she was throwing up again.

The doctors are sending her to a specialist.

Before her surgery I was debating about moving back to Florida, but now I'm seriously considering it.

I'm not sure what to do. All I want is for her to get better. Maybe I'll wait and see what the specialists say before making my decision.

I wish they would just figure out what the fuck is going on.

Saturday, February 5, 2011

Friday, February 4, 2011

My Brother

Doug is flying back to Florida today and I'm really going to miss him. He and I haven't always been close as brother and sister but as we each get older we get along more and more. This trip he and I have had a blast hanging together and actually getting along for almost the entire time. I took this picture of him while we were visiting my grandfather for his birthday.

He's especially patient with me when I stick a camera in his face or need help taking pictures.

Last night we were hanging out and I had him helping me with a picture when we got to goofing off and he sticks his stomach out at me and I crack up at him because I'm like "Dude, when you do that it looks like you're pregnant!" (he has this freakish ability to stick his stomach out really far) and he goes "Sweet!"

At which point he pulls this pose:

And I'm on the ground wheezing and crying because I'm laughing so hard. I guess that was his impression of what a pregnant woman looks like. So naturally I'm like "do it again! I NEED a picture of this." It took forever just to get that picture because I would start laughing and he would start laughing and then we were both laughing so hard we had tears in our eyes. This continued on for several minutes until finally I got a good picture. Ah, good times.

I plan to get a print out of this picture and frame it so that whenever I'm in a bad mood I can just look at it and laugh.

After we had recovered from laughing so much he looks at me and goes "you're really going to miss me aren't you?"

"Yeah bud, I am."

Thursday, February 3, 2011

A Bit of Crazy

My family is crazy. You might think I'm exaggerating, that all families have their eccentricities, but mine is crazy for real.

My brother and I have had a running joke for a little while now, and it goes, if we wanted to see if who we were dating really loved us, all we would have to do is introduce them to our family and see how long they last. If they make it through without running away screaming, then we are to marry them on the spot. Interestingly enough, my brother and I both have yet to bring anyone home to meet the family.

In all seriousness though, we depend on each other for our breath of normal in all of this craziness. Lately, my brother and I have grown closer now that we're bother older and reasonable again. Granted we still bicker and argue, that'll never change, but we always have the other when things get out of control crazy.

Sometimes though, I just wish it could be like it used to be. Just my mom, my brother, and I. All three of us fit well as a unit, but when you add the rest of my family, excluding my uncle, we fall apart because my mom feels she has to fix my family and control their craziness. It stresses her out so much that I wish she could just leave them all alone to their ridiculousness and relax.

Unfortunately, her sense of family responsibility won't let her. It's almost as if she doesn't have that switch of self-preservation when it comes to family. She lets them get to her and eat away at her and control her in a way that nothing else can. On the other hand because of this, my brother and I have adapted. Seeing the way my mom becomes around the rest of my family, Doug and I don't feel that same sense of familial obligation.

Mind you, we do still participate as a family, but we don't push our selves to give and do more than we feel is comfortable. My mother on the other hand will push herself to the limits and run herself ragged while the rest of the family walks all over her, taking everything she does for granted. Doug and I learned early on to close ourselves off before it even gets to that and just deal with the fallout later.

Sigh. Don't you just love families? Mine just seems to get crazier with age. And although I am no where near perfect or normal, I fear, that if I don't jump ship soon, they're going to make me just as crazy.