Wednesday, February 16, 2011


...I feel like my life is one of those drama riddled Lifetime movies. Or maybe a Jodi Picoult novel. Maybe both.

Anyway, it's been a while since I last posted. Partly because I've been sick, partly because I have a new addiction and it rhymes with mumbler. But mostly because my mind has been going in circles a lot.

Let me give you a little back story. When I was 18, I found out I had a younger sister that I had never met who had been given up for adoption by my mother at birth. For years it had just been my mom, Doug and I. The three musketeers. So imagine my surprise when my mom sat my brother and I down and explained she had given her middle child up for adoption because of certain extenuating circumstances.

Being young and completely broadsided by something as jarring as that I initially reacted with anger. In my mind she had given up the sister I had always wanted and I questioned what kind of person my mother was to give up a child. Both reactions were entirely selfish and immature but I didn't realize this at the time. Now that I am older and have had years to mull over the facts I understand why my mom gave up her middle child and kept Doug and I, and I also believe wholeheartedly it was the right decision.

After I had calmed down once I got the news, I was actually glad she had been given up for adoption. I understood that it was not only the right choice for my mother, but the right choice for the baby as well. Given the childhood that I had, filled with the serious abuse by mother's ex-husband all I could think was that I was glad she never had to go through what I went through.

In spite of the abuse, I never blamed my mother. It was a very well kept secret from her and the moment she found out she reacted with all of the ferocity of a mother bear protecting her cub and dumped his ass in prison, making sure he stayed there for a very long time.

Now, five years later, the child my mom gave up for adoption has contacted the family in an effort to get to know her, Doug and I. At first it was a bit of a surprise because I don't think any of us were expecting her to contact us. I could hear the hesitation in my mom's voice, she was worried about how my brother and I might react but I think we both put her worries to rest.

My brother's reaction was to respond with "Mom, calm down, how is this much different than anyone else just wanting to get to know us?" That is Doug for you, he never makes a big deal about anything and just rolls with whatever comes his way.

My reaction was a bit more in depth, mostly because my mother and I are so close, I could sense how worried she was so I made it my job to reassure her. I told her that I had my curiosities about getting to know her and that just because my mom gave her up for adoption didn't mean I was going to automatically shun her over some irrational fear that my mom would care more for her. I am so not that insecure. I comforted my mother as best I could and let her know that if K was interested in getting to know us I was fine with it.

And so we've messaged back and forth a few times. Things are in that, just getting to know you stage but as expected, no one is making a huge deal about it.

Sometimes I wonder though, how exactly did my life end up being grounds for a Lifetime movie? All I wanted was a regular, dull, "boring" lifestyle where the highlight of my day was reading a good book or watching my favorite TV show.

I jokingly blame my mom for that and she agrees. She says she must have asked in a past life for an exciting life this time around and I can't argue with her. Because one thing is for sure, her life, and consequently, mine and my brother's lives, have never been boring.

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