Traumatized

On the outside, my family appears to be a pretty normal, middle class, American family. But on the inside, as part of that family, we are so weird. Someone is always saying something inappropriately funny, or doing something completely retarded.

Usually, I'm the one doing the retarded stuff while my uncle cracks the jokes to make everyone laugh. Today my grandmother decided she was going to be the inappropriately funny.

Uncle: (Picking up a bag off the table) Hey, this is new where did you get it?
Grandma: Oh, that was free from Coke, I thought it was going to be red but it's pink.
Uncle: Yeah, but that's the color for your protect the boobies stuff you like.
Grandma: Well, mine are already protected, and besides you know what they say, more than a mouthful is a waste anyway.
Me: Oh god, no, you did not just say that.
Uncle: (My uncle falls out laughing) No, it's more than a handful. Not mouthful.
Me: Please stop, I can't take this.
Grandma: I thought it was mouthful, cause you can only fit so much in your mouth.
Me: (Walking out of the room) This is so wrong, I'm traumatized for life.


The holidays haven't even started yet and they're so much worse come Christmas time. It's going to be an interesting holiday season.