Saying Goodbye to 2010 and Welcoming 2011

It has been an interesting year filled with new experiences. For some reason this year really seemed to fly by faster than the others before it. Here, to make my profound closing statement for me, are Calvin and Hobbes.


Goodbye 2010, Hello 2011.

Fucking Fuck Fuck.

I can't wait until the holidays are over. I'm really starting to hate my job with a passion. People are getting worse and worse. I think I used every swear word in my vocabulary. I even used "cunting" at some point, of course that one I totally stole from Skins. I liked it, has a nice ring. I'll have to use it more often.

Naturally, all of this swearing was going on in my head while I was trying my best not to explode. But in all honesty it's not entirely the customers fault that things have been so stressful. My manager has been trying out a regular employee at customer service to see if she has the ability to move to our department and she is such a bad fit for working at the desk. In order to work at customer service you have to be 3 things; fast, able to multi-task, and willing to take initiative. You can't stand around waiting for someone to give you work to do, you have to see what needs to be done and do it. To save myself from going on a rant, I'm just going to say she is none of those things.

I'm the type of person that doesn't say anything negative, because I refuse to get into the middle of any "she said, he said" type of games. So I've been keeping my mouth shut about the whole situation. Finally, the other day my manager was talking to one of the other girls that I work with and she came right out and said how terrible this girl has been. The clouds opened up and the Hallelujah choir came over the P.A. system. No really though, it was such a relief that I wasn't the only having an issue with this girl.

So, fingers crossed after the holiday she goes back to the floor because I might just lose my mind otherwise. And I mean brain melting out of my ears, blank stare, cart-me-away-in-a-padded-van-and-a-white-coat kind of lose my mind.

Cuddling Fuzzy Pants

This morning I woke up cuddling my pajama bottoms. How exactly that happened I'm not quite sure. I forgot to mention for Christmas, I got an awesome pair of pajama pants made out of that super soft and fuzzy fleece material that is also really warm and perfect for wearing in the winter.

Since Michigan winters can be a bit cold even with the furnace on, I usually sleep in a pair of flannel pajama pants and a long sleeve t-shirt. Last night I decided to try out my new pajamas. When I went to sleep they were secured tightly around my hips with the draw string. As I slowly woke up I began to take in my surroundings, my first reaction was that I was really comfortable and I didn't want to wake up. It was warm under the blankets, I had a really nice dream that I was coming out of and something warm and fuzzy was pressed against my cheek.....wait a minute, there should not be something fuzzy touching my cheek.

At which point I immediately woke up all of the way to figure out where this strange invasion of fuzziness had come from only to discover that at some point in the night my pajama pants had migrated off my legs and become clutched firmly in my arms. If you've ever woken up to something unusual or out of place then you know it can be a bit disorienting at first. I remember looking at the pants in my hands thinking, hey these are just like the ones I wore to bed last night. *lifts the covers to see I don't have any pants on* These ARE the ones I wore to bed last night, how the hell did that happen and why am I cuddling them??

I can only guess due to them being so warm I kicked them off in my sleep, which is not surprising because I don't like being hot while I'm sleeping and has happened before. I've just never woken up actually cuddling the pants I've kicked off.

It certainly was an interesting way to wake up.

My Top 10 Most Listened to Songs of 2010

I saw someone do this on Tumblr and I thought it was a great idea since I love music so much.

According to Last.fm (which isn't entirely accurate because I never remember to sync my ipod, but it's as close as I'm going to get) my top 10 most listened to songs of 2010 are as follows:

10. "Fuck You" by Cee-Lo Green
This song was very catchy and I thought the music video was amusing.

9. "King of Anything" by Sara Bareilles
Oh, Sara Bareilles, how I hearted the shit out of your music this year. I have loved her and her music since the day I found her on Myspace before she released her first major album. And I love that the rest of the world gets to share in something as lovely as her music with me.

8. "Uncharted" by Sara Bareilles
I think what caught my attention most about this song was the lyrics. While the instrumentals are of course amazing, I love how she's always heavy on the piano, the lyrics narrated a part of myself I rarely address. I have a slight issue with being painted into a corner and having things too planned out, which is a bit self contradictory since I plan everything. But every now and then I have to break out of my well laid plans and breathe before I suffocate myself from my need to have to control my entire future. Shit happens.

7. "Holden Caufield" by Hailey Wojcik
I really disliked the book when I finally read it because in spite of the main narrative of the book that people are ultimately effed up, beneath it all I couldn't get past the fact that it mostly sounded like a rich kid whining constantly. But one good thing came out of it, I probably wouldn't have loved this song as much as I did without having read the book.

6. "Gonna Get Over You" by Sara Bareilles
I don't think there's much more I can say about my love for Sara and her music without repeating myself ad nauseum. Lyrics and instrumentals, bitch.

5. "Amnesia" by Hailey Wojcik
Not only was Hailey Wojcik my ultimate Indie find of 2010, but she was my Indie find of the decade. I loved her music and lyrics immediately and "Amnesia" was a great commentary for many relationships. Since the release of this album she has teamed up with another fellow musician to release an EP titled The [VOY-check] which also happens to be the proper pronunciation of her last name, Wojcik. While I'm not a huge fan of the EP, I think it lacks some of the originality that her album Diorama was absolutely filled with, she is an extremely talented lady and worth a listen to, if you haven't already.

4. "Paparazzi" by Lady Gaga
You really didn't think I was going to make it an entire year without Lady Gaga on my top 10 did you?

3. "I Don't Do Boys" by Elektra
This song was stuck in my head for the longest time thanks to it's ridiculously catchy lyrics.

2. "Boys Boys Boys" by Lady Gaga
I find it extremely amusing that this song was played just as much as "I Don't Do Boys" but hey, it's Lady Gaga and I absolutely loved the line in the song "you taste just like glitter mixed with rock and roll".

1. "In My Sleep" by Austin Hartley-Leonard and Kendall Jane Meade
I fell in love with this song at first listen. I remember I was wrapped up in a typically heart breaking episode of Chuck sitting in front of the T.V., clutching my pillow, shouting "Nooooo! Sarah you're meant to be with Chuck! Why are you doing this?!" when this song came on and everything in me stilled immediately and I was held in complete awe at how beautiful this song is and how perfectly it fit with that exact moment in Chuck.


And there you have it my top 10 list of 2010. Stop by next year around this time for my top 11 list of 2011! (See what I did there? Couldn't resist that one. I might just follow through on it too.)

Christmas Aftermath

How was everyone's Christmas? Mine was good. I stuffed my face with lots of yummy food and deserts. My family has a tradition where every Christmas we make what we all just call Assyrian Stew but really the actually name for the stew is called "Kurrish".

The tradition has been going since my Great-great grandmother immigrated to the U.S. from Persia during WW I. This dinner is something I look forward to every single year because we only have it at Christmas and it is sooooo delicious.

The stew is made up of tomato juice for the base, green beans, onions, cubed pieces of beef and pork, and 2 or 3 hungarian peppers for flavoring. Depending on the size of the pot you're making you let it simmer for about 4-6 hours keeping in mind the longer it cooks the better it tastes. Then, when it's all set to eat you pour the stew over rice (and not that minute rice crap, actual baked in the oven rice) and serve with a side of pocket bread and green onions. I personally prefer not to have any of the pocket bread because I would rather enjoy the stew as is, rather than filling up on bread. Usually, we also have hummus and tabouli on the table as well which is eaten with the pocket bread, but I've never cared for either one since I was a kid so I choose to leave those off my plate.

This Christmas was nice and relaxing even though it had less of a Christmas feel to it because of how busy I've been with work and the lack of time to prepare for the holiday. I wanted to put up a Christmas tree with my grandma but either she was working or I was working so we never had the time together to do it and eventually it just came down to us not putting one up. So instead my grandma, with the help of my little cousin, decorated the hibiscus we have in the living room.

I thought it was really cute, and Vern (Yes I named my plant) even decided to give us a pretty Christmas flower in the middle of winter.

Merry Christmas

This describes my childhood Christmases to a T. My brother and I used to get up ridiculously early to check out our presents and shake them and try to figure out what they were before we woke my mom up at dawn.

Merry Christmas!

Christmas Eve

R.I.P. Mophead, the best dog in the world. Thanks for all the fun and love Fuzzball, and for being the Hobbes to my Calvin, we'll all miss you more than you know.

I got a call tonight from my mom saying that our family dog passed away. We knew it had been coming, he started to get sick and the Vet said he had developed pretty bad dementia and there was nothing they could do for him other than put him to sleep. And until you see a dog with dementia you can't imagine how heart breaking it is to have a family pet look at you and not immediately recognize you and wag his tail at the sound of your voice.

When I visited Florida back in October I basically said my goodbyes because we all knew he wasn't going to be around much longer. I'm going to miss him like crazy.

Random Things...

...That are on my mind at 4:25am. This is what happens when I'm supposed to be sleeping.

It's Christmas Eve, I need sleep so I can deal with last minute shoppers at work later today. But am I sleeping? No, instead I'm talking about one of many favorite subjects of mine. Me. Hah, I wish I were joking.


~ I have finally started to put my dream of traveling across the world into motion. I'm so excited even though I'm still a couple years away from actually going.

~ Yesterday, while I was finishing some last minute Christmas shopping I saw a girl not much older than I am, holding a sign that said "Family woman and student. Will work for food." I always just use my Debit card so all I had was $2 dollars on me. I gave it to her, smiled, and wished her a Merry Christmas. She bravely took the money and thanked me. As I turned away I could see her wipe a tear from her eye before she hardened her resolve again. All I could think was "Oh baby girl, whatever it is, I hope it gets better."

~ For the first time in my life, up until a week ago, I made a real prayer. I just want my mom to get better.

~ I have resigned myself to a lifetime of bachelorettehood because all of the gay girls in this city are either taken, psychotic, players, not interested in me or way too far out of my league. And to that I say, "Hello, Singledom. Pull up a chair and have a beer with me, looks like we're going to be here for a while."

~ I miss school.

~ I absolutely love Bruno Mars' latest album, Doo-Wops & Hooligans.

~ How am I not asleep yet? This is ridiculous.

~ It seems like the older I get, the more introverted I become. I don't think that's a good thing.

~ Oh crap, I forgot to pick up my comics yesterday. I wonder if the shop is going to be open today.

Where's a Bazooka when you need one?

Remember how this morning I was all cool with it being super busy with the one "unique" customer here and there? Well I fucking take it all back.


Today was ri-god-damn-diculous. I wanted to shoot myself in the face with a bazooka, that would have been more enjoyable.


PEOPLE, you're supposed to be spreading Christmas cheer and loving thy neighbor and celebrating the birth of baby Jesus and shit. Don't take it out on me because you waited until the week before Christmas to start your shopping.

Fuck.



I feel a little better now.

That Moment When...

...You're awake at 3:30am and you know you have to be up for work at 7am and you're kicking yourself for passing out in bed so early after you got home yesterday evening.

Yep, that's me right now. I got home last night around 6 had dinner and passed the eff out. While I may only be averaging about 35-40hrs at work, it's surprising how much more tired I feel with the holiday rush. During the regular season we at least have a moment to catch our breath at customer service, but now we're lucky if we even get a break in a 7hr shift. That's just how insanely busy it is. But not only is it physically tiring, it's mentally exhausting as well, especially when dealing with the unreasonable customers. Hence, the need to go home and pass out.

Which brings me back to being awake in the early hours of the morning when I'm supposed to be sleeping. Instead I'm going to update my Christmas Playlist. Remember this post? Well I've found a few new songs to add. The first being one that is completely free to download which you should do immediately, because it's totally awesome.

The song is called "I Need My Baby By My Side (On Xmas Night)" by The Bumbers.



This song is very reminiscent of the 70's punk rock era with a very Christmas feel to it. So if you're like me and you loved bands like The Dead Milk Men, Black Flag and Dead Kennedys, you'll really enjoy this song. Plus, it's ridiculously catchy.

The second song I have to add is "Wish List" by The Neon Trees.


If you listen to the radio at all you've probably heard their hit "Animal" which seems to be playing on repeat. Not that I mind, I think it's a really good song but I was surprised at how great this song was as well. So if you're looking to expand your Christmas Playlist then this will be a great addition.

And last, while this song isn't exactly uplifting with Christmas spirit, I had to download it because of the artist. The song is "Alone This Holiday" by The Used.



Of course the song itself is great, jut be prepared to drown your sorrows in a cup of your grandmothers special eggnog by the time you're finished listening to it.

That's it for my Christmas Playlist update. I can't promise I'll be back before Christmas so just in case, have a great holiday and be safe!

Christmas Retail Craziness

With Christmas right around the corner things have been ridiculous at work. We're so busy every day I seriously wonder if there really is a recession going on in this country.

As usual, being so busy means I'm interacting with a wide variety of people, and for the most part everyone has been very pleasant and nice. But every now and then I would get an "interesting" character in.

Last night while I was working, this guy and his wife come in to pick up an order they placed at another store to pick up in our store. There's a slight delay in the system so we hadn't received the order and I told them it would be 10 or 15 minutes before I could pull the order up, but they were more than welcome to shop while I got their product and waited for the order to generate. The lady walks away and literally not even a minute later comes back to say she can't wait that long. I kind of raise my eyebrows in surprise because most customers just say okay and wander off for a bit.

So I double check with my manager, because I know a way around the system but it means we have to cancel the order and the store they placed the order with will lose the sale and we generally don't like to do that. I cancel the order and let the lady and her husband know they can just grab what they were buying and check out at the front registers and they won't have to wait for the order anymore.

They both head off again and I assume they're going to get whatever they wanted and check out but again the lady comes back and just stands at the customer service counter. I see her standing there and I'm thinking okay maybe there's something else she needs, so I ask her if her husband found the item or if they needed help with something else. The woman just looks at me and says "I thought you were getting it."

Mind you, it's almost Christmas time so customer service always has a line of people and all of us girls working the desk are busting ass to make sure we get everyone through as fast as possible. I say "Okay, give me a moment and I'll get it for you." I pull up their canceled order to see what they were getting and I see that it's a stereo system and I get the product number to make sure I grab the right one. On my way to get the item I pick up a cart for them so they won't have to carry it out thinking it'll be big but nothing I can't handle getting down.

I head to the department I know it's in and I see the woman's husband standing by a stereo system so I figure that's the one he must need. I look at the box and I think, "hmm, that's a bit bigger than I thought it would be but I can manage." The box is probably about 5 ft long 4 ft wide and 3 ft deep. I see one sitting on the bottom shelf and I go to pick one end up to slide it on the flatbed cart and immediately my reaction is "holy fucking shit this bastard is heavy."

I'm almost done sliding this huge ass box onto the cart when the guy goes "Wait, not that one. I want that one. The one you're getting has a hole in it." I look up to see where he's pointing to and I see another of the same system but higher up on a shelf about shoulder height to me. I look at the guy and back at the box and I'm thinking to myself "he's joking right?" I check to see what hole he's talking about in the box I have and see there's a small ding on the corner where it looks like the box might have been scraped in shipping but you can see that there is Styrofoam protecting the corners. I tell him as much but he still insists that he wants the other box.

To kind of give you a better picture of the situation, this guy that is telling me he wants me to get this stereo system down in a box that I could easily fit in with room to spare is about 6'2''. So I tell him it's going to be a moment, I have to run and find someone who can help me get it down. Normally, I'm the type of girl that's like "pfft, I don't need a guy, I can do it myself." And I can, but with the box being bigger than I was, I had to admit defeat and get help. I grab the first guy I see and he's really nice about me using him as the muscle and we reach up to start to move the box down when another guy comes up behind me and takes the box from me and the two guys get it down easily. They set the box on the cart and walk off leaving me, the freshly rescued damsel in distress, and I'm thinking to myself "way to reinforce gender roles Amanda."

Lots of Snow!

If you haven't heard, the Midwest received quite the winter beating by mother nature this weekend. I can't remember the last time we got this much snow before Christmas arrived but it has rekindled my love for the winter.

I love snow. I think it's really pretty and it can be a lot of fun to play in. While I don't necessarily enjoy driving in it, and it wasn't very much fun having to wade through a snow drift to get to my car last night after work, I still enjoy seeing it on the ground. The arrival of snow means curling up with a blanket and a good book. Sipping hot chocolate at every opportunity. SLEDDING! Building snow men with my little cousin and so many more fun things.

So here's to winter, enjoy it while it lasts and drive safe out there.

Foreign Films

I like long walks on the beach, dancing in the rain, foreign films...wait, no I just like foreign films.

In all honestly, how many people really like foreign films in those classified ads anyway? I do. Well, not that I've placed an ad in the classifieds (do they even still have those, what with CraigsList now?) but I do enjoy foreign movies.

Growing up, I was always that strange child who enjoyed things a typical child wouldn't have. I loved listening to classical music and opera, watching ballet and musicals, and reading Shakespeare before it was ever assigned in school. I remember always being told I was weird because of those "likes" by my friends and family. I didn't care, they were and still are some of the things I get the most enjoyment out of.

I was first introduced to foreign movies in high school. It was the last day of class before summer started and to kill time my teacher ended up putting on a movie titled La Vita e Bella or Life is Beautiful. Class ended before we could finish the movie but I was hooked.

A few weeks later I was hanging with a friend and we decided to walk into town and rent a movie, I saw that one on the shelf and said something about how good it had started out in class so we rented it. If you've seen the movie then you won't be surprised that both of us ended up sitting on the living room floor, glued to the T.V. with a box of tissues between us. The power of the story the movie told resonated with me and it is still one of my favorite movies to date.

I still get weird looks when something is brought up about foreign movies and I tell people I like them. Not that ALL foreign movies are good, I think it's mostly the culture difference in the stories that are told in the movies. Where American cinema can crank out the same movie multiple times and all they change are the setting and the characters, but the plot stays basically the same, i.e.; boy meets girl, they dance around liking each other, finally girl and boy fall in love and all is perfect, happy ending, etc. etc., it can get boring.

And so every now and then I'll put on a movie from France or Italy or wherever that I've heard was really good, or read the reviews on and I'm always reminded of how much I enjoy them. When I tell people that, I always get the comment about "I can't stand subtitles" which I understand, sometimes it can be frustrating where I wish I just spoke French/Spanish/Italian/German and so on and so forth, so I could just watch without the distraction of reading at the same time. While most movies now come dubbed in English if you prefer, I would rather have the subtitles because I find the words not matching up with the lips far more distracting than just speed reading.

For the most part though, I just stay quiet about those things I enjoy, the classical music, ballet, opera, foreign films and all that because either people perceive me as trying to appear above them, or they question my enjoyment of them.

But now with Netflix I have more and more access to foreign movies I normally wouldn't have come in contact with. Before, movie stores either had a very limited foreign section or didn't have one at all. Just one more reason for me to love Netflix.

So, before I go, here is a list of foreign films I've enjoyed a lot that anyone else interested in checking out might be interested in as well. These are the English titles since it would probably be easier to find them that way.

1. Life is Beautiful

2. Amelie

3. Pan's Labyrinth

4. Love Me if You Dare

5. The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo

6. La Vie En Rose

7. Let the Right One In (Soon to be an American remake Let Me In)

8. Spirited Away (If you're in the mood for something animated, but the again you can never go wrong with anything by Miyazaki)

A Gleeful Christmas Filled With Traditions

After the new Glee Christmas themed episode this week I've had Christmas music on my mind constantly. I have yet to buy the Glee Christmas album, but after hearing Chris Colfer sing "Baby, It's Cold Outside" I'm definitely going to. I wasn't expecting to hear a male duo sing that song which is traditionally sung by a male and female pair, but of course I loved it immediately.

How can you not love that cuteness?

Growing up, my Grandfather really influenced my love for some of the great classics; Ella Fitzgerald, Frank Sinatra, Louis Armstrong, Patsy Cline, Dean Martin, and so many more. He was always humming or whistling music by those amazing artists. And without fail, every year when winter set in, I would always catch him singing "Baby, It's Cold Outside." Since then, it has always been my song of choice for the winter season.

Another tradition I have, every year around this time I scour my iTunes for all of the Christmas music on there to create a kick ass Christmas playlist. While all of the classics, Bing Crosby, Burl Ives, Motown Holiday, bring back memories of childhood Christmases spent with family I like finding modern Christmas music by young artists or completely original music.

Here is the list I created this year :
(Click the links if you want to listen to the song on YouTube)

1. "Merry Christmas Baby" by Brighten Ft. The Maine (Starting things off once again this year, this is such a great song.)

2. "Baby, It's Cold Outside" by Zooey Deschanel and Leon Redbone

3. "Last Christmas" by Wham! (I also have three other versions of this song by The Main, Jimmy Eat World and the Glee Cast, I think it's safe to say I like this song just a little bit.)

4. "Santa Stole My Girlfriend" by The Maine (This is a completely adorable and amusing Christmas song)

5. "Christmas Tree" by Lady Gaga Ft. Space Cowboy (I couldn't resist adding this one. I love all things Lady Gaga and she even manages to make a Christmas song dirty.)

6. "Mistletoe" by Colbie Caillat

7. "Don't Shoot Me Santa" by The Killers

8. "My Only Wish (This Year)" by Britney Spears (Don't hate, I've liked this song since middle school)

9. "Little Drummer Boy" by The Almost

10. "Christmas, Baby Please Come Home" by Anberlin

11. "His Favorite Christmas Story" by Capital Lights

12. "All I Want for Christmas" by My Chemical Romance

13. "Sleigh Ride" by Relient K

14. "Ho Ho Hopefully" by The Maine

15. "Santa Baby" by Everclear

16. "I Believe in Us (This Holiday)" by A Rocket to the Moon

17. "Santa Clause is Thumbing to Town" by Relient K

18. "Christmas Won't Be the Same Without You" by Plain White T's

19. "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Clause" by The Jackson 5 (This one is such a Christmas classic that I couldn't help sneaking it in.)

20. "Merry Christmas, Here's to Many More" by Relient K

I hope you're enjoying your Christmas season this year, don't forget to spread plenty of joy and cheer around then have yourself a cup of grandma's special eggnog.

Hungover.

I present to you a Haiku.

Hungover.
By Tin

Long Island Iced Tea.
Woke up drunk, now hungover.
Where's my water glass?


Last night one of my closest friends turned 30 and she was having a massive birthday party to celebrate.

Lots of fun and drinks were had...

Too many drinks...

My head hurts...

I probably shouldn't have chugged both of those Long Islands...

Halestorm - "I Get Off"

I have this small obsession with finding songs that are really hot. And I don't mean "hot" in the sense that they're popular. For the longest time "I Feel Perfect" by Porcelain and the Tramps was at the top of my list and it still is, but I recently re-discovered a song by Halestorm called "I Get Off" which has been my new favorite.

Take a listen:



The music video isn't that great. For a song like that I felt they could have come up with a better video for it, but whatever. Now the lead singer is freaking gorgeous. As a female myself I try not to objectify women too much, but day-um. She rocks on the guitar, has that bad-ass Joan Jett-esque voice and is smokin' hot...where the hell can I sign up???

I remember hearing the song a year ago while I was going through a friends Zune (I knew, who buys Zunes?) and was like "Fuuuuuck dude, this song is amazing!" But as I started listening to new music it eventually rotated out of my play list and I forgot about it until I heard it on the radio the other day. I'm surprised it took as long as it did to hit the radio but at least someone took notice.

Their album, also called Halestorm rocks pretty well for the most part. There are a few songs on there that make for great music to listen to when you're pissed off. A few of my favorites off the album are "Love/Hate Heartbreak", "I'm Not An Angel" "It's Not You" and "Better Sorry Than Safe". The lyrics are good as well, but the instrumentals are pretty typical to most rock albums, meaning it's the same 3 chords played throughout each song.

If you're looking for a new rock group to check out definitely give this album a listen. It's not ground breaking but it's worth some of your time.

Aha a Moment to Blog!

It's been far too long my little blog. I'm only working a few hours today so you and I can spend some much needed time together.

It started snowing yesterday and I would just like to point out that the people still driving 70 mph on the highway like it's summer and causing accidents are morons. Yeah, I said it. You idiot people act like you have never driven in the snow before. It's fucking Michigan!

Luckily, I just got new tires on my car that morning, which couldn't have come at a more perfect time. Driving home last night on pure ice was freaky but my brand spanking new tires had some great traction and my car didn't even slide once, woohoo!

After what could have potentially been a really bad accident on Thanksgiving I have been very on edge when it comes to driving in bad weather lately.

So drive safe out there everybody and remember, it's winter, slow the fuck down!

Holiday Madness

The holidays are definitely in full swing, especially if you work in retail. I've had to throw in the towel with Nano, I wasn't expecting to work nearly as much as I have been so in the past week I've had zero time to write more than a paragraph or two at a time. Tomorrow I have to work past midnight to help the store get ready for black Friday. I'm finally starting to get a taste of what it's going to be like after Christmas and I'm starting to dread it.

Working at customer service I have to deal with people's issues which wasn't so bad when I started back in September but as the customers get more, shall I say, unique? Eccentric, maybe. I feel like I'm starting to lose my mind. Working out on the floor was so easy, I just had to help people find what they needed and I was done. Now I'm starting to think to myself, "really? I asked to move up to customer service???" Haha, and I'm sure the nice raise I got was a great incentive but some days it's just not worth it.

Oh well, it'll be a nice relief when things calm down after the holiday returns are done. So for now my posting is probably going to be a bit irregular depending on my work schedule and if I just crash on my days off to recuperate.

Harry Potter Tonight!

Update: Gah, I just got back from Harry Potter and if you didn't go see it tonight then you need to see it ASAP. No, seriously, go. Now. Drop what you're doing and enjoy 155 minutes of mind blowing awesomeness. God I loved that movie and I'm already excited/saddened for the second part next year. I'll elaborate more on that this weekend when I finally have a day off work, but take it from me, it's well worth the $8.50 (or more for IMAX).

The first half of the seventh Harry Potter movie starts tonight at midnight! I'm so excited. Harry Potter was such a big part of my child hood growing up, that whenever a new movie opens up it almost feels like an old friend I haven't seen in a very long time is in town. I'm proud to say I've seen every Harry Potter movie in theater. Yes, even the not so good ones. Still, I love it. It's a tradition I don't plan on breaking.


Literally, as I was writing this post I got a call from my friend who went to get our tickets at the theater saying we needed to get there early because the line was going to be ridiculous and I'm not the type to say no. I said "Heck yes! I'll be there whatever time you want to be there" because I'm not the type that wants to wait last minute, half the fun is standing in line hanging with your homies and waiting to get in.

For everyone going tonight, I hope you have a fun time. For everyone not going, I can't fault you it's going to be insane.

P.S. Just to show my nerd factor I'm totally wearing a Harry Potter shirt tonight that I got at TeeFury. Woot!

P.P.S. I almost forgot, check out this funny clip from MTV of the Harry Potter Cast trying to speak with an American accent.

-

Twilight blows, haha.

Cheese Ball

Every year around the holidays this church near my grandmother's work goes around selling cheese balls.

Let me tell you, it is fucking heaven in a plastic container. Grab a box of ritz crackers and you have cheesey, crunchy deliciousness. For those of you that have never had a cheese ball (the 12-year-old in me snickers every time I type that) it's made up of cream cheese, cheddar cheese, a teeny tiny bit of minced garlic and parsley, rolled in chopped pecans.

Whenever my grandmother comes home with one I just want to dive right in and never stop. Some people love chocolate or candy, I love cheese. So this is like crack to me.

Hilarious Websites

If you haven't already heard of it, you need to check out DamnYouAutoCorrect.com immediately. You will literally laugh your ass off. I first heard of the site thanks to Dorothy Snarker and at first I thought she was exaggerating at the hilariousness of that site.

I stand corrected. I was literally laughing so hard I was crying. So prepare yourself.

Another interesting site run by the same people who do Damn You Auto Correct is Epic WTFs. This site was okay, it had some interesting and disturbing stuff on there but I had nothing better to do when I stumbled upon this:

I immediately shouted "Oh my god I remember that guy!" at my computer. I also remember that Tiger made that incredibly long putt as well.

This picture was taken at the Buick Open the last year it was, well, open. With the way the automotive industry tanked Buick couldn't afford to renew their contract so it's no longer the Buick Open anymore.

My uncle managed to score two free tickets for him and I to go. It was the first time I had ever been to a golf tournament and it was surprisingly more fun than I thought it was going to be.

It's funny, the shit you can find on the internet.

Julia Nunes: So Good Live

I'm so glad I got to see Julia Nunes live. She's such a talented musician. It's literally just her and her ukulele/guitar on stage. That's it, no drums or back up vocals to cover up any mistakes, just her. And what's even better she acknowledged when she messed up on a song and played the wrong chords and ad lib'd lyrics about playing the right chords next time, so funny.

As promised I got a couple shots with my camera for you. Although, I almost didn't. I don't understand why people do it, but it happens every single time I go somewhere to take pictures. This 6ft+ giant thinks "hey, I'm going to step right in front of the 5'3'' girl who has a camera in her hand and is clearly trying to take a picture." Ugh, I just want to knee cap those people and be like "hah, what now bitch? How's it feel to be down on my level? Not so great when I stand in front of you now, is it?" Sigh, anywayyyyy, I'm done ranting. Here are the pictures.

I love this one, it looks like she's about to cut someone in the audience.

Sing it girl!

And just for fun...I couldn't resist taking this one when I saw what was going on.

That girl was knitting the entire concert. I didn't get it either. I elbowed my friend and pointed her out and she literally turned to me and went "Yes, that sounds like a great idea, I would love to go concert knitting with you." Good times.

Sadly, I couldn't get a picture with Julia Nunes. My friend that was with me had no idea how to use my camera and when I asked her to take one of me and Julia she gave me a look that said "if you hand me that camera I am not responsible for what comes out of it." Looking at the picture after, if I hadn't seen she didn't have a single drink all night, I would have thought she was drunk when she took it. It was literally just a blur of color, so all I could do was laugh.

Like I said the concert was great as expected. She played her original music along with a few covers. The song that got the most audience participation was "Build me up Buttercup". It was great when a group of people from the audience started harmonizing with her, but the best part was after the song when she was talking about how Buttercup was a total bitch and needed to be dumped immediately.

Julia Nunes

Tonight I'm going to see Julia Nunes LIVE! How effing cool is that? I'm so flipping excited. She was in Michigan while I was in Canada and I was so bummed I missed her. I mean it figures, the one freaking time I'm out of the country and she's here? Damn.

But a couple months ago I was cruising her website and happened to click on her tour dates, and there it was. I literally squealed like a little school girl, called up my friend and told my work "sorry homies, Julia's in town, I need the night off."

So, finally, tonight's the night. I called ahead to see if the place her and Ben Kweller (heh, his last name makes me think of that Buffy episode with the "queller" demon) are playing at would let me bring my camera in and they said Yes! So you can look forward to some pictures tomorrow.

And with that I will say "Peace out!" and leave you to enjoy this awesome video of hers.

Knee Scooter

Today, I was at a craft store trying to find something to create a portfolio for some of my photography that I've done. As I'm walking past aisles I see a lady in her early 60's with a broken leg pushing one of these:

My immediate reaction was to wonder to myself how fast she can get going with that thing and burst out laughing at the mental image of a bunch of old grannies racing them.

Sometimes I really do crack myself up.

I Love You More Than All the Blog Posts In All the World!

I have a little cousin that's six and whenever she comes over we always hang out and have fun.

Clearly, loads of fun was had during that photo-thon.

She's always had this thing where whenever I say "I love you" to the little squirt she always goes "I love you more" and starts an "I love you" war. She always cracks me up with those and she has come up with some cute ones.

"I love you..."

"A thousand times around the earth."
"Longer than we could live combined."
"More than a whale can drink water."
"Bigger than the sky is blue."
"Bigger than the universe times a cajillion, million, thousand gajillion, KAH-ZILLION!"
"More than all the sand on earth. Even the ones at the bottom of lakes!"

But my all time favorite that she said today was...

"I love you more than how long a zombie could live!"

Ah, I've taught her well, zombies and all.

Fresh Ink: Blair Butler Awesomeness

As my friend put it, I'm a "closet geek". I wouldn't necessarily consider myself to be closeted about my geekiness, but she says it's because to look at me, no one would assume I'm a geek so unless I wore a sign that said so, that makes me closeted. I can find several flaws in her argument but for the sake of this post I'm not going to get into it.

One, and probably the biggest, contributing factor to my geekiness is the fact that I read a lot of comics. I love DC, I love Marvel, I love Image, I love it all. So imagine my reaction when I found out not only does G4 pay someone to review comics for their website and go to comic-cons, but it's also a girl, and an extremely cute one at that!



Blair Butler does the G4tv.com Fresh Ink video reviews of comics that come out every week. She also reviews must read Graphic Novels, as well as features guest hosts such as Gerard Way and posts interviews with comic book writers and artists. She's funny, she's smart, and she's easy on the eyes so if you read comics and haven't checked her out yet, then what are you hanging around here for?

I first started watching Blair's reviews a year ago and even though it took me 2 whole months to go through her back log of previous reviews, it was more than worth it. From her recommendation I found comics I never would have thought to read. Not only does she do a good job reviewing comics and steering watchers away from comics not worth the cover price, she does it without putting the creators of the comic down. As she put it, she sees comics as the creators baby and no one likes to be told their baby is ugly.

Blair is smart in her reviews, she's knowledgeable about the writers and artists and her blooper outtakes at the end of every video are hilarious. So, check her out at G4tv.com/freshink or just click through for the website.

Finally! The Old "Glee" Returns

Spoiler Alert: If you haven't watched this weeks episode of "Glee" you'll probably want to skip this post.

This weeks episode of "Glee" was so good. It reminded me of the old "Glee" where it wasn't so much about the music as it was about the storyline and the music complimenting that. Although, this episode the music kind of got in the way. I'm glad to see character development show up once again.

So, Kurt's mysterious love interest finally makes an appearance. His name is Blaine ("Blane? His name is BLANE? That's a major appliance - that's not a name!" I'll let you be my BFF if you can guess what movie that quote is from).

I like him. He's cute and charming and nice, which is just what Kurt needs after the bullying he put up with from that behemoth jackass that keeps locker checking him. I swear every time that hulking ignoramus pushed Kurt I wanted to kick him in the face along with everyone else who just walked by. In spite of that, it was interesting to see the development behind that character.

I did have my suspicions, he was far too interested in targeting just Kurt for him to be anything other than a total closet case. I did like how the writers played it though. It makes sense, the way he's been bullying Kurt. He's seeing something in Kurt that he's too afraid of confronting in himself, so he lashes out at Kurt in an attempt to hide that part of himself. Not that I'm feeling at all sympathetic towards the bully, but it's nice to see the writers add depth to a character who before today mostly remained in the background.

Also, Schuester showed a little of his old self as well rather than that pathetic jerk he turned into some where between the end of last season and the beginning of this one.

All around, it was a very good episode with some real writing for a change. Hopefully, it'll stay like that, but I'll have to see it to believe.

Dashed Hopes

Originally, I wanted to have a new blog post up today, but after a crazy day at work yesterday and having to work all day again today, that just ain't gonna happen pally. Luckily, after today, I have the next 4 days off so look forward to some posty goodness, I'll definitely make up for this dry streak, I promise.

Call of Duty Black Ops + Midnight Release = Me, Tired and Cranky

Last night I had to work a midnight release. I've never worked one before but they're not so bad. Mostly just a bunch of geeks lining up outside to play a video game all night. And you know me, I heart geeks so it wasn't a bad night. I got home about 1:30am fall asleep about 2:30am and get a call at 8:30am from work, asking me if I can come in.

As you can guess I was asleep when they called and I looked at my phone to see who it was and literally went "NOOOOOO, I don't wanna go to work!" and dove back under the blankets because I knew what was coming. I let it go to voice mail and laid there debating about saying I couldn't work so that I could get some sleep and more writing done on NaNo today.

Eventually, reason won out, that's a good chunk of change I'd be passing up on my pay check so I called back and said I would come in. But I didn't say I would happy about it, haha suckers. No really though, I'm so freaking tired and cranky it's not even funny. I'm also frustrated because I really wanted to get more writing done on my NaNo novel that I had planned today and I can't.

So this is me updating my blog before I head in. I haven't had time to write an actual post because of work so if I don't get one up tonight, I'll have one for tomorrow.

Sunday Nights

"The Walking Dead" is on again tonight at 10 and if you're not watching it then you are ca-razy. This show is so freaking good I can't get enough of it. Tonight is going to be fun, I'm going over to a friends house to watch it. I'm glad I'm at least getting out of the house tonight, last night I was invited to a party but because I was just so tired from getting up ridiculously early for that meeting and then working that night I decided to go home and chillax instead.

There's going to be a few of us hanging out and it'll probably be incredibly geeky because I think every one of us has read the entire comic series. I was talking to the guy whose house I'm going over to and I mentioned I haven't read issue 78 yet (the latest one).

Him: Dude, don't read it. Wait until 79 comes out.
Me: Why, does something bad happen?
Him: No, it's just so damn good you're going to be pissed you don't have 79 to read after you're done.
Me: GAH! That doesn't help, now I really want to read it!

So I've been debating about reading 78 or holding off. Knowing me, I'm not going to be able to wait.

Lip Service

I wanted to write a blog post about the new BBC show called "Lip Service" but then I read this awesome post by Dorothy Snarker over at Dorothy Surrenders and decided to just link to her post because she's such a great writer. So go HERE for her awesome blog.

I do want to talk about one thing and that is Frankie, otherwise known as OHMYGODSHEISSOHOT, because that's all I seem to be able to say/think every time she's on screen.

If you haven't been watching the show at home (or on YouTube) then here's a picture to give you an idea of what she looks like.


When I saw Frankie, played by Ruta Gedmintas, on "Lip Service" for the first time my immediate reaction was, "Holy shit she looks like a mix between Lena Headey and Keira Knightley!" My second reaction was to die and go to heaven.

If you haven't been watching the show then you probably won't be surprised to hear that she is definitely the "Shane" character of "Lip Service" and with looks like that can you really blame her? She's definitely the type that you want just one entire night to have you way with her before floating off on cloud 9 and dating someone you can bring home to your parents.

But ultimately, if I had to choose between Frankie and another character on the show, Sam, I would pick Sam in an instant.


She's exactly the type you can take home to mom and dad and she's so freaking sexy. Plus, have I mentioned Sam is my favorite name for a girl? Well it is, so it was meant to be right? Right? Sigh, I wish.

So if you're not watching "Lip Service" already, then if for the eye candy alone, you very well should be. And take it from me, there is some wonderful eye candy.

The Call of the Void

I'm writing this post on 3 hours of sleep and zero coffee because of a ridiculously early meeting at work so I apologize in advance if the writing is crappy.

So last night, while I should have been sleeping, I was cruising tumblr once again when I came across this great article on one of my favortie tumblr feeds, Castle of Lions. If you don't want to click through no worries, I'll give a synopsis. Basically, the article goes over 20 words that are untranslatable to English. Some were funny, others made me wish they existed in the English language because they make perfect sense. But one in particular made me stop:

"L’appel du vide - French – “The call of the void” is this French expression’s literal translation, but more significantly it’s used to describe the instinctive urge to jump from high places."

I loved this expression so much because I didn't realize it was a feeling shared by others. I've never mentioned it on my blog but I love heights, and any time I'm somewhere there's an edge or cliff or wall separating me from nothingness I always feel this ridiculous urge to go right up to the very edge. Part of me wants to experience the rush of what it would feel like to jump and completely let go, but at the same time it's not a suicidal thought. It's more, as if I want to experience something I know no one is going to catch me, it's just me and that falling sensation.

I don't know if I explained it very well but I felt the need to share it because I loved learning it was defined by something tangible like words, even if it's not in the English language.

Well Hell

If you're reading this on google reader, I apologize for the last post. When I have an idea for a post I jot down a few things and where I got it from, then save it. This time though I accidentally pressed publish, and now I can't get google reader to take it down. I was planning on writing the post tomorrow so you're just going to have to wait until then for the actual post. So for now, enjoy the preview and check that article out, it's really neat.

Funny Truths

I was reading my daily list of blogs this morning when I came across this hilarious gem. The blogger didn't know who the original author was so I can't credit them either. If anyone knows, give me a shout so I can attribute it. The purple writing are my comments to myself as I was reading them.

TRUTHS FOR MATURE ADULTS

1) I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die. They should also go through your room too before your parents that way no one ends up traumatized. Not that I have anything to hide.

2) Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong. This is so fucking true it's scary.

3) I totally take back all the times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

4) There is a great need for a sarcasm font.

5) How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet? I sincerely tried to fold one once and got so frustrated with it that I just crumpled it up and stuffed it in the linen closet and shut the door. I hate that a cotton sheet bested me.

6) Was learning cursive really necessary? Seriously, was it? I've never once used it since elementary school.

7) Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my own neighborhood. This is awesome, because I automatically skip the first half of map quest directions for this very reason.

8) Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died. She shouldn't have eaten that last Big Mac.

9) I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

10) Bad decisions make good stories.

11) You never know when it will strike but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

12) I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my 10 page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.

13) I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

14) I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.

15) I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

16) I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

17) How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said? God, I do this so much to people at work it's ridiculous. Customers insist on talking to me while I'm trying to fix whatever problem they come in with so I just end up nodding and smiling while I tune them out so I can finish my work and get them out of there.

18) I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters! Fuck yea! Asshole needs to either read the damn sign 5 miles back that says lane closure or get the fuck off the highway. I despise those people.

19) Even under ideal conditions people have trouble finding their car keys in a pocket or a cell phone. I bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.

20) The first testicular guard, the "Cup" was used in hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is important too. There's a reason it's one of the few sports where fighting is allowed.

Steampunk

The other day at work it go really busy all of a sudden so I bopped over to the front lanes to help the cashiers out. As I was logging into the register and called the next person up I glanced at the guy who walked up. He was unusually dressed, almost as if he was picked out of the late 1800's and dropped into present day.

He had on a long brown trench coat, a brown bowler hat and a very simple brown suit. As he was standing there while I rang him out his coat shifted and I could see was wearing an old brass skeleton key on a brass chain around his neck.

At first I thought it was for Halloween but then remembered Halloween had already passed. Then it dawned on me. He reminded me of the steampunk movement that has grown more popular lately. As I realized this I smiled at him and he kind of gave me a bewildered smile back.

"I'm sorry," I said. "I didn't mean to stare. It's just, the way you're dressed reminds me of steampunk. Have you heard of it?"

He paused for a moment as if surprised by my comment and smiled for real this time as he said, "That's exactly what it is. I do steampunk."

"Oh how cool, I think steampunk is so interesting."

I handed him his receipt and told him to have a great day and started to call up the next customer when he goes "I'm sorry, I need a high-five for that." So I laughed as I high-fived before sending him on his way, still smiling over our momentary bonding experience.

And that, is one of the many reasons why I love my job. All of the different people I meet every day keep things interesting.

In case you don't know what "steampunk" is sub-genre of science-fiction. Think H.G. Wells and Jules Vern. Check out the wiki page for a more technical definition and history, but basically my favorite way I've heard it defined is "what the past would like if the future had happened sooner."

So many cool projects have come out of the steampunk but my favorite so far has been the steampunk Iron Man that won the New York Comic Con.

I mean look at it! How cool is that? I love the idea of industrial age steam technology being combined with modern day objects and ideas.

Even though it probably makes me a huge nerd I think it's all really cool. I even started reading a comic called "Lady Mechanika" because of the steampunk theme it's centered around.

The comic book series takes place during the Victorian-era in Britain where the main character is in search of her "creator" because she has no memory of who she is or how she came to be part human, and part steampunk technology. It's a really interesting read if you're looking for something new and non superhero related to pick up. I give it two thumbs up and can't way for the second issue of the series to come out.

Also, if you're still interested in reading more about steampunk, check out this article that the New York Times did on it.

Lost PostSecrets

I was reading the PostSecret twitter feed when I decided to go through the postsecrets I had saved. When I find a postsecret that I really like I usually save it to my computer. But as I was searching for it I remembered I those files were erased from my laptop when it was wiped. This makes me incredibly sad now that I realized it.

Most Adorable Couple Ever

If you've turned on the TV at all in the past week or so, then you've probably caught some snippet of the press tour Portia DeRossi/DeGeneres has been doing for her book "Unbearable Lightness." I'll be honest, I've never watched any of her shows or really bothered to learn anything about the actress herself except to know that she's married to Ellen.

After catching her interview with Oprah and "Good Morning America" I couldn't help but be blown away by the amount of honesty she appears to be displaying in each interview. Today, she was on Ellen talking about her book and I made a point to catch the show. I remember when they got married, I picked up a magazine that my grandmother had bought with a photo spread on their wedding and thought to myself that they make a cute couple.



Seeing them interact with each other today on the show has placed no doubt in my mind that they are the most adorable couple I have ever seen. Just watching their interactions with one another is amusing because of Ellen's humor and at times even heart warming with the love they constantly show to the other.

If you didn't catch the show today, here's a quick clip of some of what you missed. Pay close attention around 1:49.



When Portia said "I don't think I'm perfect at all" and Ellen interrupted her to say "I do," it literally made my heart melt a little bit. And I smiled like a goon at Portia's embarrassment as she rubbed Ellen's knee. So. Freaking. Adorable.

I'm not one to usually care about the lives of actors and actresses but the more I see these interviews with Portia, the more I want to read her book. Since I'm pretty busy right now trying to keep up with NaNoWriMo I originally wanted to wait to read the book but now I really really want to read it. Oh to heck with it, I'll just have to double time it on NaNo.

I < 3 Neil Gaiman

I came across this while cruising tumblr again, and had to post it because of how spot on this man gets it.

"Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so a simple phrase like 'maybe we should just be friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain.
I hate love."

~Neil Gaiman

Fuck that noise.

I was going through my emails trying to find an article I had emailed to myself last week when I came across an old email I had forgotten I sent myself a long time ago. I do that from time to time, send emails to myself about things I don't want to forget. As I read it, I grew more and more angry because now I remember exactly why I made the decision I made. Thank god, even I was starting to get irritated with my emotional whining.

So now I'm pissed off enough to finally say, fuck that noise, I'm done with this emo shit. It's about god damned time I moved past it. Hu-fucking-rray.

NaNoWriMo Complex

I've been writing a bit for NaNoWriMo and I have to say, this "no editing" thing is driving me crazy. I'm the type of writer that has to go back and read and reread everything, editing the mistakes before moving on. But with NaNo the concentration is on word count not the quality of writing and it just bugs me so damn much that half of what I've written is jumbled and runs on sometimes. I try to force myself not to look at it so I don't start tweaking out.

In the end decided to go with the new story idea I came up with a day before NaNo started, and I'm kind of glad I did. It's been a lot of fun writing it because every time a new idea for the story pops into my head I just go with it. I have absolutely no plot to this story, I don't know where it's going and I have no clue how it's going to end, but I do know how it begins. So as a teaser here's the first sentence to my novel.

"Life is never predictable, especially when you wake up, dead in a morgue for the third time this week."

Ah, I see now that you are intrigued. So am I! It's going to be a fun ride.

Conflicted

Sorry I went all emo yesterday. Certain things have just been weighing heavily on my mind lately, and I hate to say it but I'm going to do it again. Normally, I try to avoid getting messy with emotions on my blog but since my journal is not readily available, where I usually write about this stuff, this will have to do.

For me, writing is a kind of therapy. I don't discuss my emotions with people, aside from my mom and one other person, I never let my guard down, which is why I don't have "close" friends. I have so many walls in place that it's just safer to leave them there. But at the same time, when something is wrong, I have to talk it out. And so here I am, talking it out on my blog because I can't find my stupid journal.

So here goes. This is me. Talking it out.

It's strange how sometimes I feel like I have two other people living inside my head, one who wants to lead with her heart and emotions, and the other who has to hold her back and protect both of us because if she did do that, then all hell would break loose.

Take for instance, the case of the friend I no longer talk to. We started out as friends, and we were great friends. We clicked on everything, and rarely ever ran out of topics to talk about. But inevitably emotions began to run rampant and we took that step past friendship and into relationship territory.

This is where "the heart" comes into play. In spite of things ending very badly, she simply does not care. She doesn't care that no matter how hard I try, once I stepped past that friendship line there was no going back for me. She doesn't care that no matter how hard I can fool myself into thinking we can be "just friends" I'm always the one that ends up being hurt again. All that matters is the small part of me that still misses my friend and does everything in its power to make me reach out. Luckily, that part of me has not won out as of yet, the numerous emails that I have started and discarded can attest to that.

So far, the other part of me has remained stubborn, the level headed part, "the protector", digging in her heels and refusing to let go of the memory of having my heart broken, which "the heart" seems to have so easily forgotten. She argues day and night with "the heart", parading memories back and forth. The hurt, feeling that sense of betrayal when the one person you trusted the most not to hurt you does it anyway. The decision not to be friends, because how do you go from being "in love" with someone to being "just friends"?

In her argument, you don't. You either move on, or you remain this pathetic love sick moron who is only fooling herself that she's okay with being "just friends".

While "the protector" may sound like she's a callous bitch, she's also understanding. She knows it's not easy falling out of "love" but at the same time, she truly believes this is what's best for "the heart" and for me. And so she fights for all it's worth to protect us from ever feeling that amount of hurt again. No matter how much "the heart" wants to reach out and say "I miss you so much my friend. I miss your jokes and your laughter. I miss your silliness and your company. I miss the ridiculous conversations we would have at 5 in the morning after no sleep. But most of all, what I miss, is loving you." Why couldn't you have just loved me too?

Right about that time is when "the protector" makes her move. While "the heart" is being flooded with all the memories and the heartache "the protector" gathers her up in her arms and comforts her and reminds "the heart" that it simply can never be. The decision was made, and things were said that cannot simply be forgotten. So she carries "the heart" and the burden of doing what is best for both of us, until "the heart" mends and can once more stand on her own knowing "the protector" will be there to catch her when she inevitably falls again.

This. This is what has been going on inside my head every day since that dream. This is what also has made me realize, contrary to my previous belief that I was over everything, a part of me has yet to move on. And that dream is what brought it to the surface.

Stupid dream.