Funny Truths

I was reading my daily list of blogs this morning when I came across this hilarious gem. The blogger didn't know who the original author was so I can't credit them either. If anyone knows, give me a shout so I can attribute it. The purple writing are my comments to myself as I was reading them.

TRUTHS FOR MATURE ADULTS

1) I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die. They should also go through your room too before your parents that way no one ends up traumatized. Not that I have anything to hide.

2) Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong. This is so fucking true it's scary.

3) I totally take back all the times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

4) There is a great need for a sarcasm font.

5) How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet? I sincerely tried to fold one once and got so frustrated with it that I just crumpled it up and stuffed it in the linen closet and shut the door. I hate that a cotton sheet bested me.

6) Was learning cursive really necessary? Seriously, was it? I've never once used it since elementary school.

7) Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my own neighborhood. This is awesome, because I automatically skip the first half of map quest directions for this very reason.

8) Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died. She shouldn't have eaten that last Big Mac.

9) I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

10) Bad decisions make good stories.

11) You never know when it will strike but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

12) I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my 10 page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.

13) I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

14) I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.

15) I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

16) I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

17) How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said? God, I do this so much to people at work it's ridiculous. Customers insist on talking to me while I'm trying to fix whatever problem they come in with so I just end up nodding and smiling while I tune them out so I can finish my work and get them out of there.

18) I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters! Fuck yea! Asshole needs to either read the damn sign 5 miles back that says lane closure or get the fuck off the highway. I despise those people.

19) Even under ideal conditions people have trouble finding their car keys in a pocket or a cell phone. I bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.

20) The first testicular guard, the "Cup" was used in hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is important too. There's a reason it's one of the few sports where fighting is allowed.