Earlier this evening I had a friend ask me why I've only ever had one relationship, well, the closest thing I've ever come to a relationship, and honestly I hadn't given it too much thought. So it got me thinking, why haven't I had more relationships? The only answer I could come up with is that I don't feel the need to be in a relationship constantly. I watch the people around me fight with their boyfriends/girlfriends/husbands/wives and constantly jump from one relationship to another without even taking a breath and the only thing I can think is, I don't want that for me.
I'm too much of an independent person to want to rely on someone else to make me feel better about myself. I allowed myself once to depend on someone to be the cause of happiness in me, but after that relationship quite honestly tanked, I realized, I don't need someone to make me happy. I can be my own happiness, and in essence that makes me a much better person. Besides, if and when I decide it's time for another relationship, said relationship will be that much stronger because it's not constantly trying to carry the burden of making two people happy. A relationship should only add to a person's happiness, not support it.
I also saw that using a relationship as a crutch for happiness is highly unstable, leaving both members of the relationship prone to drastic mood swings. And one thing I strongly dislike, is the constant roller coaster of emotion a relationship can have on a person. It's just not for me, I need stability above all else.
Sure, I may miss some of the things about being in a relationship from time to time, like having someone to talk to about your day, but is that absolutely necessary for my own happiness? Nope. What is necessary for me to be happy is being able to stand back and look at where I am at in my life and say, "Yeah, this is where I want to be, no worries and no regrets."
And for the first time in a very long time, I was finally able to do that. I'll never forget the feeling of relief that washed over me. I felt the weight of years of stress and worry fall off my shoulders. To finally let go of the regrets I had over the mistakes I have made was so incredibly liberating. It was also a lesson very well learned.